Hello I spoke to Christina (KS Milkmaid) she is doing well!! She sounded so encouraged which is AWESOME!!!! She mentioned that she had an old blog post, posted on another blog, and if I was interested I should post it as well. So I tracked it down and have posted it here for any readers who would like to read it, it is very good.
This is an old article I wrote back in Jan of 2007. It was about a month before I had asked Brian to leave. I was enduring personal private cruelty and pain. However, I had not endured the public cruelty that I have endured right now. I found this article because I have been watching my enemies search through blog archives and archive search engines seeking to find ways to devour me. I know they probably skipped past this article…but my own words really spoke to me.
This past week, I was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. I wanted to cash it all in. The pain of seeing all the slander and facing Brian's defense lawyer in the divorce hearing was nearly incapacitating. I had one friend who has known me since I was 15 call me and remind me that they want me to cash it in. This is the strategy to get me to give up and take my life. She knew Brian very well and said, “If he can’t have you, he will try to ruin you and this is the ruining process.” She asked where was the fighter who battled to get away from her abusive mother. She told me to get mad or something but don't give up. I found something better than getting mad. Instead of anger, I can have love. I can be thankful to my enemy for this activity. They by their wickedness are refining me. Some of the blog articles they are reading have hints of pompous pride in them. Boy, I am kind of ashamed. When I return to writing, I will be a different kind of writer. As write about domestic violence in Christian homes, I will need to polish this aspect of my character. I must because the goal of writing is not to tell what he (Brian) and his family did to me, but to tell what HE (God, the great I AM) did to me and for me through this trial.
I didn't realize I would be eating the words that I wrote so long ago. The articles they are pulling I will have to answer to in some way. But what is even better is that I have to eat this article. I wrote it and it reveals the survivor in me. No, it reveals the conqueror in me. Through Him we are more than conquerors. I am tired of being the victim, ladies. I want to survive this now. I am tired of being silenced. I want to talk not about the abuse, but about what God is doing for me through the abuse. When I shut down my blog, I felt like the apostles. They were before the Sanhedrin and told to stop talking about God. They were put in prison and told to stop. I felt imprisoned but I know better. I am being grown through this persecution and this silence. God will not be constrained in our lives when we offer ourselves as his tool and instrument. Oh this period of silence is a powerful momentum building kind of thing. I can't wait to return to writing with a powerful message. Ladies, I am silent right now, but the silence will ultimately deafen the enemy. The momentum is building. It is so exciting!!!
If you want to add your own preface to this article you are welcome too based on what I have said above. I would love to publish somehow that I am not only praying for my enemies, but I thank them for they are helping me to change. Praise God for peace that surpasses all understanding. Most domestic violence advocates tell me not to be a victim but a survivor. As a Christian, I say I want to take that a step further. I am a conqueror. MORE than a conqueror.
Have a blessed Lord's day!!!
Enemies Janurary 7, 2007 Posted @ 5:38 am
Hatred, negativity, and cruelty run deep in the character of man. Our world has vast amounts of evil at every turn. It is commonplace to say whatever you feel and do whatever you want, and there is very little emphasis on serving other people. The mantra is "It's my life and I will live it the way I want it to." Or … "I can say what I want and it is your fault if you misinterpret it and are offended." These days the standards of morality are so low that it seems just about anything goes, especially in how we treat others. You just can't miss the brutality rampant in society today. Flip on the television (no, don't really), and prime time television will show you the norm for society today. Violent video games don't help much.
Even more troubling is the absence of God at every turn. He has been informed that he is not welcome in the government schools. Likewise, government has told him to get out. Worse, I believe there is strong evidence that we have tried to push him out of the church, also. All over America, people claim to be Christians. Yet look around us, and witness our society. Perhaps the most heinous crime committed is by those who give lip-service to Christianity and live their lives tearing down, destroying, and actively engaging in cruelty. The incredible thing about man, and the sin in which we indulge, is the skillful cunning art of justification. Truly destructive sin will take goodness and twist it slyly for the purpose of destroying.
Living a life in pursuit of righteousness will provoke people who are vile. They can't stand it. Moreover, they can't understand it. They see the joy and think it can't be real. They don't experience it, so they curse, hiss, and attack until their bloodlust is satisfied. It doesn't matter how humbly you present your life, they will roam about seeking something to devour. It doesn't matter if you present yourself as a sinner and repent of your shortcomings; they are there ready to keep track of all the wrongs in permanent marker. Most of the time, it boils down to jealousy over contentment achieved. They feel shorted because their lives don't reap joyous fruit. Life is filled with these kinds of people.
It is easy to wear our emotions on our sleeves and whimper about our lack of supporters. It is easy to get hurt over the negativity. Yet, we must realize that we are promised persecution. We know the benefits of persecution as demonstrated in the bible. The church grew under persecution. But get this … we were saved because of full effect of persecution. The ultimate persecution sent Christ to the cross. We were redeemed because of vile hatred. That hatred came from none other than religious folk. Oh yes, friends. I hurt when I am attacked. I ache when my best, most contrite intentions are vilified. However, I know God gave me these enemies for many good reasons. He gave me enemies to help me understand his great love for me. It is through loving my enemies that I come to understand the amazing unconditional love of God for mankind. Enemies, if rightly applied, can help us balance out ego and pride. Wouldn't it be nice if we were all surrounded by groupies with 100 percent support? No. We would be some sick puppies in the ego department for sure.
We can't stop living for Christ because someone doesn't support us. We can't stop proclaiming the good news because we have Pharisees at every turn with permanent markers. Keep proclaiming the gospel. Keep trying to express the inexpressible joy. Let's drown out the negativity with the full peace that surpasses all understanding. Examine what the enemy says. Do you need to change something to be more Christ-like? Then make that change. But Heaven forbid that the enemy silences you.
Matthew 5:44 But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.