About Me

My photo
Hi, I am me... I am a mom with a great sense of humor, a kind heart, a giving spirit, a desire to please, and enough strength to keep on going even when life knocks me down... I am me... : )

Friday, August 28, 2009

The truth about lies

Recently there has been some lies being told about me to some people in my church. I was very hurt and very angry. I am thankful it was not my husband. I believe in general he is being respectful, well as much as he can in his choices in this situation. Now does that just NOT make sense, LOL. But that has not stopped some others. My knee jerk reaction was to find them and holler at them and of course say all sorts of not very nice things to them.....

Well, boy that sure would have left me looking kind and good and I am sure given them a very high opinion of me. After I found all this out I stopped and was like okay I need to read my bible get into the shadow of his wings cling to those promises of his. I did my devotions, but felt that I needed to keep reading and I opened up to Psalm 12. And wow, Lord I am listening, you will not fail me nor dessert me. Verse 5 is the one that really struck me.

Psalm 12
1 Help, LORD, for the godly are no more;
the faithful have vanished from among men.
2 Everyone lies to his neighbor;
their flattering lips speak with deception.
3 May the LORD cut off all flattering lips
and every boastful tongue
4 that says, "We will triumph with our tongues;
we own our lips who is our master?"
5 "Because of the oppression of the weak
and the groaning of the needy,
I will now arise," says the LORD.
"I will protect them from those who malign them
6 And the words of the LORD are flawless,
like silver refined in a furnace of clay,
purified seven times.
7 O LORD, you will keep us safe
and protect us from such people forever.
8 The wicked freely strut about
when what is vile is honored among men.

The Lord does not lie and he says he will protect those who are being maligned. Just in case I misunderstood the meaning of the word, I looked it up

Malign means



criticize somebody spitefully: to criticize somebody or something in a spiteful and false or misleading way



1. harmful or evil: harmful or evil in nature, effect, or intention

2. wishing to harm others: having or showing a desire to cause harm or pain to others

What was being said would definitely fall into this category....

That's okay, I will just stay close to Jesus my saviour, my protector, my God in whom I trust. The lies will show through as just that. The Lord will protect me and my kids forever and for always. Now I am not happy about this, but by continuing to behave in a Godly manner and by clinging to God and his word the truth will shine through, of that I do not doubt.

Blessed by God Thankful for Grace

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Tim Hawkins The Government Can

We absolutley love Tim Hawkins he is way too funny. I plan to buy his dvds and cds. Here is something to make you laugh. Pssssst scroll down and stop the music at the bottom of the page first.

Another year

Well I am another year older today!! I was blessed with a surprise birthday party in the park, and also a gift and some cards from people at work.

My sister, niece, brother and parents came and set up a surprise birthday party in the park complete with pink balloons, pink lemonade and chocolate cupcakes.

I did have a nice day, I was so blessed by my family, and then the people at work. It was awfully nice of them. I did not expect for my family to be ripped apart this year. I am hoping and trusting in God that the next year will hold many blessings for my kiddos and some peace for me. God does not want me to suffer. He wants the best for me and my kids.


Sunday, August 23, 2009

Fear Not!!!

I have so been struggling this week, yes I know I have had alot of reminders about Gods promises of being there and taking care of me and I do not doubt him. But yet here I am struggling. I received a birthday card from a dear friend today. She boosted my spirits a bit, she reminded me that people love me and care about me. Also last night I was doing my devotions and the verses for reading were as usual right what I needed to read.
John 14:1

Do not let your heart be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me. Jesus comforting the disciples.

Also in my reading John 14:27

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

I decided tonight to turn on my playlist from my blog and just started singing and praying and then all of a sudden a wave of peace just covered me...I have not been here, in this peace all week....I have fought and struggled and cried and ached, and while I know normal reactions....I could not keep going on like this, I have been afraid to make any choices in any direction, I was fast heading toward ... fear and panic and starting to hear those nasty lies about being a complete failure again...I will not let the deciever take me there....gonna leave the music on until I head to bed and maybe even after!

Again Lord I believe fully in your promises
Psalm 91:1-2
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."


Saturday, August 22, 2009

New Blog I like to visit

I have come across a wonderful blog that is telling it like it is with a wonderful creative sense of humor. It is called Red Ink. Well, actually she came across a comment of mine somewhere and stopped by and left me such an encouraging comment, Thank you, that I then went and visited her and have enjoyed reading. So stop by sometime the link is under my favorites on the right side of the page.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

A Promise from God and other reminders

Psalm 91
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

The Lord words are a promise to me, well to all of us. And while I am going through some of the hardest days of my life right now. I know He will carry me through. I won't lie and say that I do not hurt, because oh my gosh I hurt. I would so much like to just go to bed and stay there for a long time...When you have been with someone as long as this, Tony has been there for me for 20 years, more then half my life, your first reaction is to turn to them when your hurting.

We were standing in that court room before we sat down and my natural inclination was to edge closer to him, I started to reach out for his hand at one point and then, duh Amy reality sat in....your standing here in a courtroom so this man can leave you. He is not going to hold your hand or put his arm around you to shelter you anymore. It felt like my heart was being ripped out. It still does. I almost fell apart right there.

However, Gods words hold true. He is there and in various ways has shown His love and protection for me. I was going to look at a house, which is not going to work, but anyway I turned down the wrong road and went to turn around on the edge. Now I drive a suburban that has 4 wheel drive. Guess what the 4 wheel drive would not kick in....So I am stuck, badly stuck...LOL. I am still in my dress and heels from the hearing, so there is no way I can even climb back out of the mess I got msyelf in. I sat there crying, and praying LOUDLY!!!

Come on God, you can do anything you made the whole world, you can make my car go into 4 wheel drive. I made a call to Tony, he said he won't help me. I called my mom who had driven over an hour to sit with me at the park while I wept, I did not want to fall apart in front of the kids. She was turning around to come see if she could do anything. Then I wept some more and prayed and then a man in a truck stops. He gets out and says I have a chain I can pull you out it will only take a minute. I do not know who he was. He backed up got out got down on the muddy ground hooked the chain on and pulled my truck out. He did not give me his name just un-hooked it said he was glad he could help and left.

Thank you God for your provision you promised and took care of me, you sent an angel in disguise!!

I had to go to work at 5. I trudged in there not feeling well at all as you can imagine. I felt like I just wanted to throw up and go back to bed. Hanging on the fridge is an envelope addressed to me. A card from the the CEO, the Administrator, and the Employee Relations gal. Saying they were thinking about me and praying for me. It was awesome to know that someone cared.

Thank you God for your provision you promised you would take care of me and you sent a job filled with Godly supportive people my way!!!

So then yesterday I went to the library I knew I had some fines, as the books were due the same time I found out about the final hearing and I blanked. They renewed them 10 days ago, but there were already fees. I did not know HOW MUCH yet. I got in there and it was 24 dollars...geesh. I only had 8 on me. So I asked her to put it toward my daughters books and then what was left toward what I owed and then I would get the rest to her ASAP. I apologized and hinted about my life getting in the way. The Librarian knows whats going on as when I had to print out the worksheet for my lawyer I had to go to the library to do it.

So anyway she understood and I said I would be back. Of course it could not have been a quiet time at the library NO..... There were 4 people waiting behind us to check out. And the other bad part is I did not even guess it would be that much so I already had a pile of books out for the kids and myself. UGH!!! Well we moved them over by the return slot. She let my daughter check out books, even though really the rules say no, but she knew I would be back. And we left. How embarrassing. But I had a call right when I walked in my room. It was from the library. Someone behind me in line paid all of my fines. I am not sure who it was, she did not tell me. She said see there are still good people in this world.

Thank you God for you provision, you promised and came through, you sent someone with compassion for someone having a hard day.


Monday, August 17, 2009

Sad day

We have had a rainy gray day here in Kansas. And well it suits my mood and my day just perfectly. I guess today I am no longer married, or as close as. I miss him. I went from being a child to "dating" my Tony at 15 to marrying him at 18 through 17 years of marriage to now. My heart is breaking. I hope my husband finds whatever it is that he thinks will make him happy. I on the other hand have no plans except to try and raise my children in the way they should be raised and to no hopefully find a home where we can live and that I can afford. I looked at trying to get a Rural Development Loan, and it did not work out as I do not have a work history. So that leaves me homeless with 6 kids shortly. I know God has a plan.....I am just don't know for sure what that is yet.


Monday, August 10, 2009

She did what she could and it was ENOUGH

I do not know about you, but I have always had a compelling feeling of I just have to do more and be more. I have struggled for many years feeling like I have never been good enough, and that I could never do enough, that I was never enough. Then recently I read in a devotion called a Gift for Jesus, Mark 14:3-9, it is in the Women's Devotional Bible. It was the part about the woman who came to him bringing perfume. She broke it and poured it on his head.

To many present it seemed like a waste, that is served no useful purpose. Many criticized her and told her the better things she could have done with the money she could have gotten had she sold the perfume. But Jesus saw into her heart, He new her actions were because of her love for Him. The value of the gift was not the point, but the motive behind what she did.

What struck me the most is verse 8. It says SHE DID WHAT SHE COULD.

And that WAS enough.

She did what she could and it was enough....I did what I could, I still do what I can and it is ENOUGH...I am enough....that is enough...not sure if I am explaining this well enough, LOL, but for me reading that she did what she could...it made me feel so much better, she did something so little, but it was what she could do and all my life I tried and tried to do things for someone to show them that I loved them and to them it was never enough...but God knows my heart and he knows that what I tried to do and that I am enough...

Now I am not saying that we all do not need to grow, and that we should not strive to be better connected to God and to try to fulfill the purpose He has placed in everyone of us. But just saying that WE are enough. We are who God created us to be and there is a purpose there, we may just not know it yet. So even if what we can do is a just a small thing, done with a heart for God, it is enough. To God I AM ENOUGH!

Thank you God!!


Wednesday, August 5, 2009

A day off

Well I have days off every week of course, but it seems as if I have been running running running every single day. This last weekend is now different. Friday I ran to walmart and then to a quick lunch with a dear friend at The Courtyard in McPherson. The food was really good and the atmosphere was wonderful. I WILL be going back.. Then rushed to work.

Saturday and Sunday I was off, but we kept going, LOL. We went back to walmart I needed a new cell phone as I could not hear on my other one. One drop too many I guess. Then we spent afternoon at the water park in McPherson. The kids had lots of fun and NO sunburns this time, yeah!!! The kiddos loved the lazy river and would have gone again and again, but their sibling wanted to swim more then float and they needed someone to go with them.

After all of our fun in the sun, where I actually got a bit of color, not a burn... Anyway we went by unanimous vote to Golden Dragon. We LOVE Chinese food. We have not been able to go in quite awhile. The kids and I enjoyed it sooo much. So after dinner it was off to walmart again for a few snacks and then back to the park at the band shell for a movie.

They were showing the movie the Princess Bride starting at dark. It was kind of bittersweet for me as this was like the first movie I ever watched with my husband when we were dating. It was his favorite back then 20 years ago. ROUS'S, he's only mostly dead, Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die, wuv tru wuv... SIGH...

It was a bit chilly, but we toughed it out. It was alot of fun. We got home kind of late nearly midnight. Then we were up bright and early for church the next day. Went to church, then walmart again for the stuff for floats. Since it was my Sunday off we always rent a movie, have pizza, and root beer floats. We rented Bedtime Stories.

So today is my day off before I work 6 days straight. I need to run and get a few things from the store, and then we have Wednesday night church. I am looking forward to that. I have been so blessed by the ladies in this group. I have a couple of other posts I have been working on that will hopefully follow shortly. Some neat things I have been learning.

I hope everyone has a fantastic day!!
Amy Ellen