Struggling with anxiety

I have been having some of "those" days again, sigh. Not sure why, but every so often I struggle with some days of worry. The clock is counting down. Sigh.... My husband still has not been able to find a job, and he has put in loads of applications. I have 3 weeks until all the puppies could be sold, but with the way things are I am worried about them selling. I plan to take the funds from the puppies and open a cafe/bakery/etc, LOL..... We want to be able to have a steady income that is not reliant on my husbands back, which frankly has issues. This is something I have wanted to do and the option is there, so I am praying and working toward it. I am really working at trusting God and even when this anxiety attacks happen I deal with them by praying and just trusting God. I am working on getting everything I want done in the cafe, etc, written down and to have plans. SO if y'all wouldn't mind please add me to your prayers.

Thanks a bunch
Hugs
from Me

Staynlis was in San Angelo, Texas last week.

The stage........ not sure exactly how tall but as you can see it was HUGE!!!!

Tony on drums(not his set), Craig filling in on the bass, Wade on the guitar

Josh on the guitar, Shawn on vocals, Tony on drums, and Craig on bass

Josh, Shawn, Wade, Tony

Josh and Shawn.....

Staynlis met alot of great people and had an awesome time. They were interviewed on TV as well as the radio. They enjoyed watching and hanging out with the other bands like, Cutlass, SuperChick, Stellar Kart, Day of Fire, and others. Oh, I also heard that the catered BBQ was to die for. Sorry I don't know who provided it. All in all an awesome time was held by all, LOL

My Brothers fight for your freedom and one is now safely home yeah!!!!!

Praise God my brother is home safe. I was unable to be there. However, my sister and brother-in-law, neice parents and youngest brother were there. They said he looks good and everyone was happy to be there. I am sure all of those Marines in the back of the picture as well as their families are happy as can be as well. Now we are just waiting on my other brother Chris. He is due to be home next month. Praise God again. God is good!!!

Post a comment win a free gift

Okay, I said I was gonna have a giveaway. Yeah, I was a bit slow.

So these are the rules, post a comment on my blog about your favorite 3 things about fall, yeah I know last year I asked the same thing, but you all had such wonderful answers, that it seemed like a logical choice again. Anyway, everyone who posts a comment gets their name put into a hat, yes a real hat, LOL, and then we will draw at least 2 names. Oh, and if you happen to mention the giveaway on your own blog, you get a second entry ; ) Just be sure you let me know you mentioned it.

This will go until @ the 10Th of October. I will keep pushing this post up to stay current. Okay so that's it, pretty simple.... Oh, I'm sorry did you want to know what you might win? Well, of course you do, lol!! You can win a dozen handmade cards. The choices are this

1. a dozen cards which will include 1 each of the "major" holidays through the year and the rest filled in with blank inside cards.

2. a dozen various birthday, or a particular holiday, or a particular event cards for example a dozen Christmas, or a dozen birthday etc.......

3. there is the possibility also of you telling me what you need as in event or color etc.... Just let me know when you win and we will see what we can do

Interesting and a God thing

Yesterday, my husband had practice with Staynlis and I went along to visit a friend in the same town. I was helping my husband take his drums into the church to set up for practice, and something very strange happened. I felt a very strong sense of heaviness in the sanctuary. This in itself is very weird as this particular church has always felt very welcoming and calming to me. The farther toward the front I got the heavier it felt.

And I am sure alot of you are thinking okay she is batty, LOL. And that's okay, I can live with that. By the time I got down to the front of the sanctuary, tears were welling. I had a physical feeling of heaviness on me. As I left to get something else and stepped outside it eased back off. When I sat down in the front row the heaviness settled on my shoulders, chest, and neck.

Okay so maybe this could sound like a heart attack, however as it went away while I was out of the church I felt that this was not the case. I sat and watched my husband set up for awhile and got the intense feeling that I should just drop to my knees and pray. However with everything I have had going on I felt so overwhelmed that I was worried that I would just lay there and weep. So I fought it as the other band members were due to show up at any moment and I left.

Did I chicken out?? Yup I did. I have a feeling God will keep at me until I give in. He is just that way not willing to let us stray to far and wanting to cleanse away the hurt, all we have to do is just lay it down. I am sure I am not the first person to run from an experience like this. I am uncomfortable with these things in front of people, and with people coming, I just could not let it happen. The time is coming and I am sure sooner rather then later.

So I go to visit the friend and then my hubby calls to have me come and pick him up. So I get down there and they are all still tearing down and getting ready to leave. I sat near the back. I just was not ready to go near the front. They visited, cleaned up, joked, and then started loading into the cars. After they were all packed up and ready to go, all of a sudden one of the guys car won't start, new car ran great right up until that moment.

They start trying to figure it out, and then discover that a battery cable is completely loose, odd. Well, by know I had to go to the bathroom. So I went back into the church they fixed it in a couple of minutes, and then they all left and my hubby was waiting for me. Right after they all left a young man pulled into the parking lot with, yup you guessed it car trouble, this was at 10:00 at night. I came out of the church right after he got there. He has been having problems with his alternator and the battery is old.

He had a charger for the car, but the charger needed charged. So my husband has him come in and they start charging the charger, and talking about the band and music. Then he says hey let me get you a CD. Well the charger is taking along time to charge and the kid needs to get all the way to Burton. So we drove him over to Walmart to get a battery for the truck. Then we drove him back and use our truck to give him light to make the repairs, get his now charged charger, and he is good to go.

How awesome is God that we were still there to help the kid out and kind of witness to him. Now I don't know if he goes to church or knows Christ. He was a nice polite kid, but you never know. At the very least we were there to show him Christ's love and compassion and to give him a Staynlis CD with some great songs on it that who knows were that could lead. God even uses those of us who are resisting sometimes. Everyone keep me and my family in prayer. We are still working toward the restaurant if it is God's will. Just keeping going unless the door closes and then we will look for that window.

September 11, 2001 We shall never forget.

Today is a day that will forever be remembered as a horrible day in a America, however it also caused some of the finest moments in America in recent years. The way people came together and helped each other. More people flew flags, more people expressed pride in our country, more people prayed, more people became concerned about people other then themselves. People appreciated things more.

I have said before war sucks, but we are helping our neighbors as we should. I am proud of both my brothers. My brothers that signed up after the war started, my brothers who are willing to do what needs done. I am also thrilled to be able to say that my brother David will be home from Iraq this next weekend, Praise God, and my brother Christopher will be headed home from Iraq in a month, Praise God again. I am so proud of our military. We all should be proud of our military.

Thank God again for our Military!!! Thank God for the USA!!! THANK YOU GOD!!!! God Bless America and God Bless our Military. Please stop and remember today what we realized back in 2001, what was important. We forget too soon it seems sometimes.

New puppy pics and info

If you want to see some darling updated pictures of the new puppies please visit Amore Schnauzers puppy page, they are way too cute!! We have a variety thats for sure. Please check it out.
Amy

Fall is in the air

Fall sure feels like it is here. We have been blessed with unseasonably cool weather here in Kansas. It is awesome. We turned the air conditioner off a few weeks ago and threw the windows open. Although we have had to close them at night as it has gotten down right chilly. It always makes me think of apple pies and thanksgiving and carving pumpkins. I made apple cake yesterday. MMMMM The spice appley sweetness with the cream cheese frosting. I gave a big cake away to the neighbors, and made us a one layer version. Less for us to have to eat, LOL ; ) Although the kids and hubby would have been perfectly content to eat a huge two layer cake. My layers tend to be thicker then some others.

We went and looked at the building that I am hoping to make into a cafe/tearoom/gift shop... It has lots of potential. And the work needed to get it up and running is minimal. I just have to be patient while I come up with the funds. I have pondered having my own bake sale, LOL. Hmmmmmmm I keep praying for things to work out. This would be something my family and I can run together and also my husband could keep from working factory work anymore, which frankly is killing his back. Anyway, all y'all keep your fingers and toes crossed, LOL.

I am feeling like having a giveaway. I will post the information later this week. After I figure out the prize and what to do.

Hugs
Amy

She's Back

I just wanted to share my excitement!!!! The Kansas Milkmaid is blogging again and reading her thoughts is just as much a joy now as it was before. She has always been so insightful even during her trials. Christina's generosity and kindness and godliness have always shown through and are there today. She is doing well and I am so thrilled that she is back and proud to call her a friend. I wish she still lived closer, but I am glad that she and the kiddos have made a good fresh start. I have put a link over in the list again for Christina's blog.

Do you have days when this is how you feel one way or another. I mean I know I have looked at friends and felt this way. Of course I can pray for them, as I am not a cat, but truly this is how it looks to me sometimes. Then so often I feel like the cat stuck in the sleeve, cause so often people just don't know what to say. HAHAHAH Oh well God is good and thankfully He knows exactly how to help us.
Have a good week.

So on to blogging.........

Alot has been going on. First don't you just love this song. I heard Michael Buble on the radio driving home one night a few months ago. I forgot about him and then heard him again the other day. I love the all these songs he remade. I only added 2 I think, LOL....

Okay Tony is now officially back with Staynlis!!!!! Yeah!!!! Don't get me wrong, I loved Gregory Paul Smith and the other guys from the band, I have all of his songs on my iPod, but Greg just has not had the time for everything, between his family, his job as a worship leader, and the solo shows.... The other news with this is that it looks like the guitarist, Josh Keeling, who was with Greg will also be joining Staynlis. He is awesome and has such a heart for ministry.

I am excited because I have always enjoyed Staynlis's music. And the guys are pretty great and so are all the wives. They are in Kansas City today playing in Rock the Light. Along with lots of other bands. They are pretty popular, my husband gets stopped all the time by people asking about the band. Not sure exactly where the band is headed, but with an awesome message and hearts for God, wherever they go will be awesome.

School has started here again. My Andrew is glad to be back in school. He is the only one who goes to public school, as he need so many special services. I can do alot of things, but I just don't know if I can also be a physical therapist, occupational therapist, a speech therapist, etc.... So for now he is in school. We are homeschooling the others. Me two youngest are somewhat reluctant learners at this point. You would think I was telling them they were being fed to sharks when I mention we need to practice letter, LOL. The older kids are working well and I am thankful for that.

I am really hoping for something big this fall. After the puppies are sold, I will have a chunk saved up and I am hoping to finally open my restaurant/tea room. I have felt such a calling to do this. I adored giving tea parties before. The ladies were all so blessed by it and in turn so was I. The lovely surroundings, the awesome food, if I do say so myself ; ) the other ladies to chat with, the chance to dress up, maybe wear a hat, just to revisit something that is lost alot of the time. I would like to do more with this, I have ideas, I am just not ready post some of them, still refining.

I also plan to have a way to have music every so often and since I have an "in" with some bands around, LOL!!!!! Hospitality is a strong calling for me. I did not used to think it was and then things just fell into place. I had alot of lovely ladies, some who were very strong very intuitive ladies have mentioned that they have really felt the same as I do about what I was felling was a calling. So I am praying for strength and for enough faith in myself, and to keep trusting in God.

Oh yeah, I am trying to get more things ready and plan to reopen Miss Emma's Tidbits, LOL. Not sure when that might be, but hopefully soon.

We are having a picnic in the park with all of my family on Monday. It will be good to get together. Get to see my 4 nieces, and my youngest brother and parents, plus my sisters and their husbands. It should be fun.

Good news next month my brother David will be back from overseas. I am so relieved. My other brother while be there a bit longer, but not too much. I know his wife is anxious. I will just be glad when my two "baby" brothers are back here. Yeah they are both big strong Marines, but they will still forever be my "baby" brothers.

I have risen this morning in a much better frame of mind then I was a few days ago. Today is ripe with possibility. There is always new possibilities with each day. No matter what you are going through, each and every new morning can lead to a better ending that next night. I struggle with this alot. Now I am not kidding myself into thinking that I have the worst life of anyone. I KNOW that is not true. We struggle, and we are in some of those valleys that are so dark. But I do know that God is carrying us through and we WILL get to up out of the dark shadows to the light again. God is good that way.

I was reading the devotion and the Bible this morning and it was about feeling abandoned and orphaned, unheard from and insignificant in this world. And yes I admit I struggle with this. I just feel so often that I am actually invisible. I have always been one to give and give until I have nothing left. I have ended up feeling like no one actually even sees me. There is a movie called What Women Want, with Mel Gibson in it, it is not a kids movie definitely. If you have not seen this movie it ia about a man who has an accident and after it he can now hear women's thoughts, even the female poodles, LOL. In this movie there is a character, a young women who works where he does and she basically is invisible to the rest of the people there. No matter how hard she works no one seems to notice, and only because he can "now" hear her does he even notice. She "says" in her mind that no one would care no one would notice if she killed herself. It all works out in the end, but I KNOW how she feels.

I often wonder how long it would take for people to notice I had died. Not my family of course, but would they eventually notice? Would they care???? Right now with everything going on in my life, we are going to have to move again, my husband was laid off again as again the company he worked for was going under. So due to no fault of his own he are now without a job. He has been looking and putting in applications left and right. So far nothing. Then my church, sigh.... I feel as if I need to either have a major DRUG or ALCOHOL problem for my church to even care enough. If you have these problems at our church they will just bend over backward. I guess I just don't have enough issues.

I was really stressed and having panic attacks and asked our pastors wife to add me to the prayer list THAT day. She just generalized it and said people are not dealing well with news remember them. I never ask for them to pray for me. I won't again. We are 25 miles from our church, we have a suburban, we have no income, think gas here, I got a card saying hope we put them back in our PLANS. Back in our plans, I can't afford to get there.

When my husband was laid off before and we had no income to pay tithe we were sent a filled out bulletin and sermon notes explaining how we were cheating God by not tithing. I was livid, tithing on WHAT???? No income usually means you have ummmm no income. What am I supposed to be tithing on??? You might be wondering why are we still there. Not sure. The world lets us down and even the church can let us done. But I know God is forever there carrying us, even when it feels as if everyone is against us. Even when everything looks dark and bleak down in the valleys, God has us and will carry us up to the light.

A thousand may fall at your side, And ten thousand at your right hand; But it shall not come near you. Only with your eyes shall you look, And see the reward of wicked. Because you have made the LORD, who is my refuge, Even the Most High, your dwelling place, No evil shall befall you, Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling; For He shall give His angels charge over you, To keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone. You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra, The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot. Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him on high, because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him, And show him My salvation.

I trust God and know that what the Bible says is true, so then He will deliver us, he is with us in times of trouble. His angels have charge over us. God will not fail us. Praise God!!!

Today has possibility and tomorrow has even more...... Just gotta hang on!!!! I hope that everyone can see the possibilty in their todays and tomorrows. Have an awesome weekend.

Hugs
Amt

So todays the day the Birthday, LOL

SO today is my birthday interestingly enough it is also my a cousins birthday and an aunts birthday as well. Someone sent me this so I thought I would post it here. So today I am 35, sigh...... Life has gone so fast. Whatever happened to all the years. It seems like yesterday really that I was playing hide and seek with my cousins, or when I was really little like 3 and watching the cuckoo clock in my great grandparents hall. Or when my younger sister and I "snitched" a jar of grandmas homemade pickles and I puled her around the block and we ate the whole jar.

All those family vacations around the USA to see family and then to Reno every year for the hot air balloon races. It seems like yesterday when I was 14 and finally getting to ride horses, and when I was 17 and I beat 35 others in a class at a horse show to bring home the blue ribbon. I met my husband when I was 15, and it seems like that was just yesterday, or when we got married at 18. We have been together for more years now then we were apart. Where did all my babies go. 6 total and now they are all getting so big. My youngest is 5.

So much has happened over the course of my 35 years. I know that is the way with everyone, but it is so strange to sit here and feel like these things just happened when in actuality so many occurred so long ago. I suppose every one ponders this now and again. Not sure why for me this birthday is such a big deal. Well gotta run need to go to the store. I hope everyone has a terrific day.
Hugs
Amy

My picture, LOL

A number of people had gently pointed out that my last picture is not my best, so I am posting this one here until I muster up the time to dress up and do my makeup and hair, geesh..... hahahahahahhahahahahahahah SO anyway this one I do look a bit happier in, ; )

Hugs everyone
Amy

The puppies are here

We have 3 boys and 2 girls. I am so excited that they are here. They are way too cute. I will post better pictures tomorrow on the Amore Schnauzer Puppy page. I am so tired gotta go.

On Birthdays and getting older

I was born August 25, 1973 Wow now that's a long time ago, LOL. As the years pass they seem to be getting faster. I will be 35 this year. Sigh..... Now I know that 35 is not old at all. The problem is my mother was 35 when I was a teenager and of course to teens their parents are Ohhhhh Sooooo OOOOOOOld, LOL. I have always thought that as you get older you gain wisdom, okay who really thinks this???

Okay yes I have gained alot of knowledge as the years have past, but I have also really come to understand how much there is now that I don't know. And as brilliant doctors, or scientists, or computer techs discover or create new things, I seem to just be falling behind in comparison. At this point there is so much to know out there there is no hope for me of ever catching up.

But I am thinking that perhaps just maybe that is okay. I know what I need to and I can learn more when necessary. So that's enough for me. Now alot of people have asked me to post new pictures of me. Well these may not be new as in today, but they are all new to anyone on this blog so here I am from shortly after birth all the way up until last fall. LOL Okay I did skip a few years. I went through a stage that no one gets to see. VERY skinny and with a very very strong perm, ekkkkkk. HAHHAHAHAHHA; )


Myself and my Great Great Grandma Harris. My family is fairly long lived.

Just me look at all that hair!!!

My first Easter awwwwww!!

My first Easter, yeah they took a variety of shots with a variety of outfits and blankets, I have a few more, figured 2 was enough, LOL.

Myself and a very long suffering dog, considering all the pics this poor little guy posed for with me, hahahahahahha.