I have been very frustrated the last couple of weeks. I have not posted much nor have I answered emails or called and talked to anyone. I really am one who tries to stay positive, and I think people have come to expect that from me most of the time. I expect that from me most of the time. So I have felt like I have just been a big let down all the way around, so, I have avoided people.
I have avoided life, I have been avoiding writing in my journal, frankly I have even been avoiding God, which honestly is awfully sad. I have pondered what on earth I am supposed to be learning from all of this. I guess I have always been one that is pretty trusting and always looking for the good in anyone. Perhaps I am needing to learn to trust not in man but in God alone. Although I would still think that God would want me to look for the good and decency in anyone. I don't know.
With all this I have also been struggling with panic attacks, and am taking St. Johns Wart to try to ward those off and to be able to keep calm.
I know that I need to pray more, and I know that I need to read the Bible more, I do. I am struggling, and while I hate to admit it that, it is the honest truth. And some who read this may find great humor and joy in the fact that I am struggling, you know who you are. But everyone else I hope you can understand my human failings and if your one who prays, pray for me. Pray for strength, and endurance, for understanding, or failing the understanding please pray for peace for me.
We have @ 6 months to find a new home, I am thankful for that. Please pray for God's will in this. We, my husband and I have felt compelled to be out in the country and the be able to be more self sustaining, and perhaps this is why this is happening and where we are being led.
Thank you everyone.