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Hi, I am me... I am a mom with a great sense of humor, a kind heart, a giving spirit, a desire to please, and enough strength to keep on going even when life knocks me down... I am me... : )

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Letting things get me down.

I have been very frustrated the last couple of weeks. I have not posted much nor have I answered emails or called and talked to anyone. I really am one who tries to stay positive, and I think people have come to expect that from me most of the time. I expect that from me most of the time. So I have felt like I have just been a big let down all the way around, so, I have avoided people.

I have avoided life, I have been avoiding writing in my journal, frankly I have even been avoiding God, which honestly is awfully sad. I have pondered what on earth I am supposed to be learning from all of this. I guess I have always been one that is pretty trusting and always looking for the good in anyone. Perhaps I am needing to learn to trust not in man but in God alone. Although I would still think that God would want me to look for the good and decency in anyone. I don't know.

With all this I have also been struggling with panic attacks, and am taking St. Johns Wart to try to ward those off and to be able to keep calm.

I know that I need to pray more, and I know that I need to read the Bible more, I do. I am struggling, and while I hate to admit it that, it is the honest truth. And some who read this may find great humor and joy in the fact that I am struggling, you know who you are. But everyone else I hope you can understand my human failings and if your one who prays, pray for me. Pray for strength, and endurance, for understanding, or failing the understanding please pray for peace for me.

We have @ 6 months to find a new home, I am thankful for that. Please pray for God's will in this. We, my husband and I have felt compelled to be out in the country and the be able to be more self sustaining, and perhaps this is why this is happening and where we are being led.

Thank you everyone.
Be Blessed
Hugs
Amy

3 comments:

Marcia said...

When I was going through a very dark time a number of years ago, Tom & Jane Seaman introduced me to this song. I believe the Lord has led me to share it with you today. You probably know it, but it meant the world to me. I'm praying for you Amy! Hugs, Marcia

Yet I Will Praise by Andy Park
I will praise You Lord my God
Even in my brokenness
I will praise You Lord
I will praise You Lord my God
Even in my desperation
I will praise You Lord

And I can't understand, all that You allow
I just can't see the reason
But my life is in Your hands
And though I cannot see You
I choose to trust You

Even when my heart is torn
I will praise (trust) You Lord
Even when I feel deserted
I will praise (trust) You Lord
Even in my darkest valley
I will praise (trust) You Lord
And when my world is shattered
And it seems all hope is gone
Yet I will praise You Lord

I will trust You, Lord my God
Even in my loneliness
I will trust You Lord
I will trust You, Lord my God
Even when I cannot hear You
I will trust You Lord

And I will not forget that You hung on a cross
Lord You bled and died for me
And if I have to suffer
I know that You've been there
And I know that You're here now.

Even when my heart is torn
I will praise (trust) You Lord
Even when I feel deserted
I will praise (trust) You Lord

Even when the darkest valley
I will trust You Lord
And when my world is shattered
And it seems all hope is gone
Yet I will praise You Lord

Sharon said...

I am so sorry that you have been hit hard with the blues. I know you probably want to handle everything naturally, but perhaps you should talk to your doctor. You have been under a lot of stress. It is really hard to pick yourself up. God does care and it really helps to read in Psalms, especially the passages where David felt so defeated. God is bigger than this and He does care. But I also don't think He wants you to keep suffering if you need medical help. For some reason Christians can be judgemental about people seeking medical help for depression, but if you had diabetes, people would get angry if you DIDN'T take medication if you needed it. I pray God will lift this off of you.

I also suggest what Marcia said about listening to worship music, that really helps me too.

I will pray for you.

God bless you.

Sharon

"May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by His grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word." II Thess. 2:16,17

Yolanda said...

I am in much the same place. I understand and if you need to talk. I am here.