When all of this started awhile back I was afraid and scared and worried about making mistakes that would scar my children. The Lord as always has been faithful in all things and his timing is immpeccable. Over three weeks ago I recieved a notice of eviction from Fannie Mae.
The short version of a long story is this 2 years ago my husband Tony and I were offered a house to even buy by some one in our church. It was in Hillsboro we had never lived here and knew no one but it had space enough for our 6 children and a fenced back yard. I grew to really enjoy this community. The people were friendly, the schools had and continue to do awesome work with my disabled son, and life seemed good.
Within the year things started turning. We found out that the woman we thought we could trust was not making the house payments and was just pocketing our 740.00 a month... The house was being foreclosed on. Then February of last year my husband of over 17 years left for someone who knew previously. Now I do not claim we had a bed of roses life...yes we had lots of struggles, but after 17 years and with 6 children ages 17 to 5 at the time, I did not see it coming. There were lies thrown out there that we agreed to do this before and then it was worse friends of his started spreading rumours to evne my church that I had cheated repeatedly on my husband.
That hurt badly, but through all that I have grown in my trust in God to take care of all my needs to be a husband to the widow and a father to the fatherless... that is how I saw my little family now.
And then back to the notice... We had been offered the chance to rent the house by Fannie Mae and then when they realized they already had lost money on this house and would have to repair things they evicted us. We were given 5 days to move out. My lawyers called them and they gave us 7 which is still not much time for a single mom of 6 who still has to keep working to try and take care of her children to move. We did not sleep the whole weekend, we moved things across the street into 3 storage units. Monday morning we had nmost stuff out of the house except my dining room table and few decorative items that I forgot and my microwave and then a few of our things in the backyard, my childrens sandbox, a fire pit, a couple of decorative items outside... When the realtor from McPherson showed up.
She refused to give me more time and even more said that in 45 min anything in the YARD even belonged to the bank. It was not enough that it was in the drive way and in the process being moved across the street. She wanted it sitting in the gutter. My neighbors let us just push the appliances into their yard and the rest we drug to the gutter. I now no longer own any of the things mentioned above. She insinuated that I had long enough like I had been warned and warned....excuse me 7 days is long enough?? And that this had to end.
So then as we are starting to drag stuff out of the gutter and into the storage units, one of the sheriffs deputies in all of his wisdom pulled me aside and insinuated that I should get rid of my dogs and then I might be able to put my kids first and afford to take care of my children. And that I was easlily spending 400 a month on pets.... UMMMM no never happend, I have small dogs, do my own grooming, and my vet gives me breaks on everything. Not to mention that my registered dogs and their litters of puppies ummm pretty much have paid for themselves.
I chose to say nothing as I figured that the amount of anger I had at that moment might not come out well and seeing their mother arrested after pouring out her outrage would not help my kids at that moment. And frankly none of this was about me not having money. That was never the problem. My neighbor bless his heart started in on how it is not my fault and the one who should be in trouble is the woman who did this to me by pocketing my money, the other deputy who had delt with her before on other stuff did agree.
Anyway so for nearly the past 3 weeks my children and I have been homeless. The first two nights the Hillsboro ministarial group put us up in a hotel, which was fabulous. You never know how good a bed feels until you have not slept for 3 days and also no longer have a bed. LOL!! Then we camped for a couple of nights the weather was good. The kids were with their dad for the next 4 and I just picked them up for school. Then we stayed with a friend and then they were with their dad and then their dad again and then a hotel etc and so forth.
Every night God has provided a place for my children that is safe and comfortable. They are still in their schools and clean and fed. People in Hillsboro, have searched and helped us. Many have offered us places to stay over night. Buisnesses have given me breaks and discounts. I have been blessed by Hillsboros generousity.
I prefer to have a plan not a down to the minute sort, but at least know we have a roof over our heads. In the last 2+ weeks I had cried, I have been exhausted, I have been angry, I have been worried.... And then I realized something...God has not left us. Each night we had a place to be. I am able to make it to work. The kids are okay. We spent some nice days at the lake, mornings watching the fish jump and splash, sitting by the lake in the sun with my hair drying in the breeze. All of these silver linings.
And this morning I was thinking okay God. I can do this. With strength through you this works. The kids child support pays for the hotel 1 time a week. They are with their dad a number of times, camping on some days and my pay checks cover all the gas and food. We are okay God. And then a couple of hours later I recieved a call letting me know that a 4 bedroom apartment might be avaiable until June 1st. I am heading out right now to see about it I will let you know how it goes.
GOD IS AWESOME
Amy
About Me
- Amy Ellen
- Hi, I am me... I am a mom with a great sense of humor, a kind heart, a giving spirit, a desire to please, and enough strength to keep on going even when life knocks me down... I am me... : )
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
I had posted about a month ago that I hoped soon to be able to post more like I used to. Well, we can see how well that is working out for me, LOL!!! Let me start by saying again that I believe God has plans for me and my children, good ones. I know He wants the best for us. I am however at a point of struggling to hang onto that. In the last year, my husband of nearly 18 years found someone else he wanted to be with so he jumped ship leaving our family.
His family all turned on me and even befriended this woman and apparently everyone is happy now. He then left the state and moved to California where she lived, and in that I had to cut my hours at work because my children were falling apart. Although he and she have moved here, leaving her kids behind in California until school is out, he is living where he can not have the kids over. But we were hanging in here.. They had been doing better as I was here when they got home and able to give them more hugs and love before I left for work. It was working....
We moved into this house 2 years ago and thought we were finally able to be settled then the woman who we thought we could trust never made a single payment with the 740 a month we paid her to live here, to be able to buy the house and the house was repossessed. Then the divorce thing... Well in September Freddie Mac offered to rent me the house.... I agreed thinking my children would be better staying here. So we waited and waited. The heater went out.... We had no heat, I called apparently the voice mail for the realtor handling the house was not working and she never got my message. So we wait and wait....
Finally I call again and she says oh I will get someone there. Well they come they say they fixed it, but it is not working. They come look at it again and say needs replaced..... I am informed they have to get other bids and permission from Freddie Mac to fix anything else...blah blah blah....long story short..a number of months go by. The coldest months of winter. I have space heaters going and the oven running 24/7 and huge over 600 dollar electric bills to try and keep my kids warm...
You might say why not move, well as a single mom of 6 who does not have a high paying job and who's now ex is not consistent on his child support and who is told repeatedly by everyone she calls about houses OH you can not fit 6 kids in a 3 bedroom you have to have at least 4 or 5 and I don't have anything. And unfortunately all of those lower income house apartments and things again only 3 bedrooms and I am told they can not have this many people in there. Well that's why.
So we were blessed by a group from here in town including the middle school principle, and others from the schools, a local realtor, and farmers. The realtor, bought a wood stove, the middle school principle and his family installed it, a farmer and another gentleman donated enough wood for the winter and a whole group stayed and cut it to the right size and stacked it. So my children were warm.
Eventually, Freddie Mac got a heater put in. I was then informed I think in February that Freddie Mac would have to test the house for any lead paint as I have 2 kiddos under 8. And then that is the last I heard of it until 2 weeks ago, when I was sent papers saying I was evicted. I called the lawyers for Freddie Mac and asked what on earth. I was told I did not cooperate with the realtor or allow them to list or show the house. I said ummm no never happened. She says well I will check into it. I wait a couple of days and get no call back. So I called her again and she starts threatening me with them locking me out of the house in 3 days and I did not cooperate and I said no one has ever called me and even if they lost my phone numbers the very clearly have my address. Well, I am not going to believe you I am going to believe them, I was told.
So I call the sheriffs department and am told that they can find not information on it. So I take the papers in and the sheriff looks them over and say these are not real. Freddie Mac sent me papers that had not been filled to try to scare me out of the house. See they bought the house back for 90,000 at the sheriffs auction. The house is only worth about 59,900 and I figure once they found that out they decided to put not another penny they did not have to into it.
Okay so after all of that, Monday I get actually filed paper work. I will be homeless as of Monday. Just a little over a year ago I had a home, a husband, and happier children.
Now I am divorced, my kids have to hear I don't know alot, and their dad is living his happy little life, and even in desperation I can not send them there to live for a bit, as I mentioned he can not have the kids where he is living, not that I want either of them raising my children. I had to sit in a court room Monday and hear this man and his lawyer give excuses why he could not take care of his children. He does not have enough money, he can't have them where he lives, he is remarried ...blah blah blah..... So after this weekend I do not know where we are going. We have no home to go to.
I have often wondered about how people have ended up homeless and now I know. It seems easy to just say get a job and find a house. I HAVE a job and am looking at having no where to go. I worry about ending up in my car. And it becomes a downward spiral. How do I work with my kids having no where to be? So if it is warm, my oldest 3 could take the kids to the park, but everyday? I mean it is only a block from where I work and then what?? It can't go on forever. So we can move around and camp, but if I do not stay near my job then I end up with no job and then what? You have to have an address for things to get to you. SIGH
SO many concerns. I need to get busy. We are moving things into storage now. I trust that God has an answer. I guess sometimes my concern is that I know God wants the best for my kids and me, but does he not want the best for all of those others who end up homeless and in their cars? I watched the movie The Pursuit of Happiness when it came out and cried for that man and his son.... I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I could be looking at that for myself and my children.
Trusting in God
Be Blessed
Amy
His family all turned on me and even befriended this woman and apparently everyone is happy now. He then left the state and moved to California where she lived, and in that I had to cut my hours at work because my children were falling apart. Although he and she have moved here, leaving her kids behind in California until school is out, he is living where he can not have the kids over. But we were hanging in here.. They had been doing better as I was here when they got home and able to give them more hugs and love before I left for work. It was working....
We moved into this house 2 years ago and thought we were finally able to be settled then the woman who we thought we could trust never made a single payment with the 740 a month we paid her to live here, to be able to buy the house and the house was repossessed. Then the divorce thing... Well in September Freddie Mac offered to rent me the house.... I agreed thinking my children would be better staying here. So we waited and waited. The heater went out.... We had no heat, I called apparently the voice mail for the realtor handling the house was not working and she never got my message. So we wait and wait....
Finally I call again and she says oh I will get someone there. Well they come they say they fixed it, but it is not working. They come look at it again and say needs replaced..... I am informed they have to get other bids and permission from Freddie Mac to fix anything else...blah blah blah....long story short..a number of months go by. The coldest months of winter. I have space heaters going and the oven running 24/7 and huge over 600 dollar electric bills to try and keep my kids warm...
You might say why not move, well as a single mom of 6 who does not have a high paying job and who's now ex is not consistent on his child support and who is told repeatedly by everyone she calls about houses OH you can not fit 6 kids in a 3 bedroom you have to have at least 4 or 5 and I don't have anything. And unfortunately all of those lower income house apartments and things again only 3 bedrooms and I am told they can not have this many people in there. Well that's why.
So we were blessed by a group from here in town including the middle school principle, and others from the schools, a local realtor, and farmers. The realtor, bought a wood stove, the middle school principle and his family installed it, a farmer and another gentleman donated enough wood for the winter and a whole group stayed and cut it to the right size and stacked it. So my children were warm.
Eventually, Freddie Mac got a heater put in. I was then informed I think in February that Freddie Mac would have to test the house for any lead paint as I have 2 kiddos under 8. And then that is the last I heard of it until 2 weeks ago, when I was sent papers saying I was evicted. I called the lawyers for Freddie Mac and asked what on earth. I was told I did not cooperate with the realtor or allow them to list or show the house. I said ummm no never happened. She says well I will check into it. I wait a couple of days and get no call back. So I called her again and she starts threatening me with them locking me out of the house in 3 days and I did not cooperate and I said no one has ever called me and even if they lost my phone numbers the very clearly have my address. Well, I am not going to believe you I am going to believe them, I was told.
So I call the sheriffs department and am told that they can find not information on it. So I take the papers in and the sheriff looks them over and say these are not real. Freddie Mac sent me papers that had not been filled to try to scare me out of the house. See they bought the house back for 90,000 at the sheriffs auction. The house is only worth about 59,900 and I figure once they found that out they decided to put not another penny they did not have to into it.
Okay so after all of that, Monday I get actually filed paper work. I will be homeless as of Monday. Just a little over a year ago I had a home, a husband, and happier children.
Now I am divorced, my kids have to hear I don't know alot, and their dad is living his happy little life, and even in desperation I can not send them there to live for a bit, as I mentioned he can not have the kids where he is living, not that I want either of them raising my children. I had to sit in a court room Monday and hear this man and his lawyer give excuses why he could not take care of his children. He does not have enough money, he can't have them where he lives, he is remarried ...blah blah blah..... So after this weekend I do not know where we are going. We have no home to go to.
I have often wondered about how people have ended up homeless and now I know. It seems easy to just say get a job and find a house. I HAVE a job and am looking at having no where to go. I worry about ending up in my car. And it becomes a downward spiral. How do I work with my kids having no where to be? So if it is warm, my oldest 3 could take the kids to the park, but everyday? I mean it is only a block from where I work and then what?? It can't go on forever. So we can move around and camp, but if I do not stay near my job then I end up with no job and then what? You have to have an address for things to get to you. SIGH
SO many concerns. I need to get busy. We are moving things into storage now. I trust that God has an answer. I guess sometimes my concern is that I know God wants the best for my kids and me, but does he not want the best for all of those others who end up homeless and in their cars? I watched the movie The Pursuit of Happiness when it came out and cried for that man and his son.... I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I could be looking at that for myself and my children.
Trusting in God
Be Blessed
Amy
Friday, February 26, 2010
Life hmmmm
Well I just kinda realized that my blog name is kind of deceiving... my life in Kansas has not been very life like lately. I am hoping that soon once things even out I can get back to posting like I used to before my whole life to a nose dive, more interesting stories and some good pictures. Ahh but who knows only God knows what He has planned. Lately I am just along for the ride and just when it seems like it is getting higher up and maybe above the valleys for a bit, it seems to come crashing back down. I know that my life may be like that for awhile. I can hardly expect the love for someone for 20 years to disappear overnight or even in a year, which is how long I have been going through this. I wish I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I find myself wishing he would just stay away in California where he is with his new wife and family. But with continued talks of him moving back here with them it makes me feel like being ill. I am praying for strength, courage and also a decent attitude. Lord help me....
Hugs
Amy
Hugs
Amy
MMMMMMM Strawberries
One of our CNA's at work had a birthday yesterday. She is one of the teenagers that work there. So I decided to take in a cake for her birthday. It turned out very delicious. MMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Happy Valentines Day
While I am no longer married to my Tony.. I am reposting this as I often need a reminder that while I do not have the love of my husband and friend anymore...
More importantly I am blessed with the never ending most complete and true love there is the love of my heavenly Father.
LOVE
Today is Valentines Day and what do we think of when we think of Valentines Day? Candy maybe, flowers, cards perhaps, jewelry, and of course Love. There are many different kinds of love. For instance there is the love we have for our first huggy toy or blankie, that our parents probably wish they could toss out. Something we never even wanted washed. For us at that point it was a true and everlasting love.
We of course have the love for our pets. A kitty or puppy for some perhaps a lizard or even birds for others. Although personally I do like my pets fuzzy. And of course our love was returned unashamedly and unreservedly by our pets. Isn't that a wonderful love.
Then we often stumbled into puppy love. Awwwww. The love we often have for a childhood friend. Perhaps the person was your best friend or maybe even someone you never ever talked to. Maybe this other person loved you right back. Puppy love can hang on for a long time. Some of these "puppy" loves can last a lifetime. Through all the school years until the can marry and hopefully live happily ever after.
Of course then we grow up, or so we think and we fall in love in high school. This can be so dramatic. I met the young man I dated through high school at church. We hung around for awhile giving each other all of those mushy looks kids can give each other. Kinda hinted around through others that we liked each other. And finally at a Family Church Camp, we were sitting by each other and the preacher said he wanted everyone to hold each others hand for prayer.
Well he took my hand and long story short we dated through high school and then married and had 6 kids. I am so thankful for my husband and love him alot. So now we have the until death do us part love which is strong, compelling, even overwhelming at times. The belonging to and with another person, that's a big thing, and exciting thing a frustrating thing, and then an eventually, sad thing either due to a divorce or the until death do us part stuff comes along.
Okay going on then you have the love for your babies, sigh.... I will never forget the first time I saw my babies sweet little round faces. The sudden and complete falling in love with a little scrap of a person! I never wanted to put them down. I cuddled them all next to me all night until they slept through the night on their own. This is another love that is exciting and often frustrating. As babies become independent toddlers and then go off to school and then become teenagers that all of a sudden know everything and we as parents suddenly become some of the dumbest people on the planet!
We also have the love for our family that is important and changes as we grow. Our parents are everything when we are babies. We do become less dependent on them as we grow, but love them none the less. Now the love for our siblings that is another tough love. Sometimes it does not feel much like love but more like well let's just say extreme dislike. Perhaps your sister kept taking your clothes, or maybe you were kind of mean and teased your sister alot about everything. This doesn't mean we don't love them, just that were kids. We love our aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents all of who supply us with love. Large games of hid and seek with all the cousins, grandmas hot homemade rolls, the time just spent together because you love each other. What a blessing love for and from our family is.
As we have grown up we find friends along the way. Special friends who can help cheer you up when you need it and who need you to do the same when they have a down day. To have a friend to love you and one to love back is a special thing indeed. To have someone who will put up with you when you can't even put up with yourself, that is an awesome love. I believe God put those special friends there because he knew we needed each other.
As wonderful as all these loves are there is a love that has no comparison. God's love. God's love will never die. He never decides, well Amy did not come to church today so I am not going to care about her anymore. God wants the best for us and loves us so much that he sent his own and only son to die for us. So that we would not have to pay the wages of sin ourselves. A firey burning pit in hell. That's how much he loves us. I know I could never do that. I love you all, but I could not sacrifice my son, my child for you. Sacrifice myself, maybe....
God's love is everlasting. Kids grow up and move away, not that they don't love you but they aren't there everyday to say it. Friends often leave, families get busy, husband or wives may divorce or eventually pass away, but God's love is here forever. No matter how mad at the world we get, or even if we have managed to make the whole rest of the world mad at us, God will love us. No matter what we do we can't make him hate us. He may hate what we do, but he will love us forever. His arms will always be there. We just have to let him carry us.
So even if you did not get a dozen roses, a thousand pounds of candy, diamond jewelry, or even if you are alone and think no one cares, you are indeed loved. You are blessed enough to have the best, most awesome, complete, never failing, will never leave you nor forsake you, beyond death, love that you can imagine. The most important love of all, God's Love!!!
Happy Valentines Day.
Hugs
Amy
More importantly I am blessed with the never ending most complete and true love there is the love of my heavenly Father.
LOVE
Today is Valentines Day and what do we think of when we think of Valentines Day? Candy maybe, flowers, cards perhaps, jewelry, and of course Love. There are many different kinds of love. For instance there is the love we have for our first huggy toy or blankie, that our parents probably wish they could toss out. Something we never even wanted washed. For us at that point it was a true and everlasting love.
We of course have the love for our pets. A kitty or puppy for some perhaps a lizard or even birds for others. Although personally I do like my pets fuzzy. And of course our love was returned unashamedly and unreservedly by our pets. Isn't that a wonderful love.
Then we often stumbled into puppy love. Awwwww. The love we often have for a childhood friend. Perhaps the person was your best friend or maybe even someone you never ever talked to. Maybe this other person loved you right back. Puppy love can hang on for a long time. Some of these "puppy" loves can last a lifetime. Through all the school years until the can marry and hopefully live happily ever after.
Of course then we grow up, or so we think and we fall in love in high school. This can be so dramatic. I met the young man I dated through high school at church. We hung around for awhile giving each other all of those mushy looks kids can give each other. Kinda hinted around through others that we liked each other. And finally at a Family Church Camp, we were sitting by each other and the preacher said he wanted everyone to hold each others hand for prayer.
Well he took my hand and long story short we dated through high school and then married and had 6 kids. I am so thankful for my husband and love him alot. So now we have the until death do us part love which is strong, compelling, even overwhelming at times. The belonging to and with another person, that's a big thing, and exciting thing a frustrating thing, and then an eventually, sad thing either due to a divorce or the until death do us part stuff comes along.
Okay going on then you have the love for your babies, sigh.... I will never forget the first time I saw my babies sweet little round faces. The sudden and complete falling in love with a little scrap of a person! I never wanted to put them down. I cuddled them all next to me all night until they slept through the night on their own. This is another love that is exciting and often frustrating. As babies become independent toddlers and then go off to school and then become teenagers that all of a sudden know everything and we as parents suddenly become some of the dumbest people on the planet!
We also have the love for our family that is important and changes as we grow. Our parents are everything when we are babies. We do become less dependent on them as we grow, but love them none the less. Now the love for our siblings that is another tough love. Sometimes it does not feel much like love but more like well let's just say extreme dislike. Perhaps your sister kept taking your clothes, or maybe you were kind of mean and teased your sister alot about everything. This doesn't mean we don't love them, just that were kids. We love our aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents all of who supply us with love. Large games of hid and seek with all the cousins, grandmas hot homemade rolls, the time just spent together because you love each other. What a blessing love for and from our family is.
As we have grown up we find friends along the way. Special friends who can help cheer you up when you need it and who need you to do the same when they have a down day. To have a friend to love you and one to love back is a special thing indeed. To have someone who will put up with you when you can't even put up with yourself, that is an awesome love. I believe God put those special friends there because he knew we needed each other.
As wonderful as all these loves are there is a love that has no comparison. God's love. God's love will never die. He never decides, well Amy did not come to church today so I am not going to care about her anymore. God wants the best for us and loves us so much that he sent his own and only son to die for us. So that we would not have to pay the wages of sin ourselves. A firey burning pit in hell. That's how much he loves us. I know I could never do that. I love you all, but I could not sacrifice my son, my child for you. Sacrifice myself, maybe....
God's love is everlasting. Kids grow up and move away, not that they don't love you but they aren't there everyday to say it. Friends often leave, families get busy, husband or wives may divorce or eventually pass away, but God's love is here forever. No matter how mad at the world we get, or even if we have managed to make the whole rest of the world mad at us, God will love us. No matter what we do we can't make him hate us. He may hate what we do, but he will love us forever. His arms will always be there. We just have to let him carry us.
So even if you did not get a dozen roses, a thousand pounds of candy, diamond jewelry, or even if you are alone and think no one cares, you are indeed loved. You are blessed enough to have the best, most awesome, complete, never failing, will never leave you nor forsake you, beyond death, love that you can imagine. The most important love of all, God's Love!!!
Happy Valentines Day.
Hugs
Amy
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
I've cut my hair again and even shorter
The funny thing about my life now is I am trying new things that would not have happened if you know who had been here. He liked my hair to be long really long, LOL... And while I was fine with that and tried to honor that cheerfully. I felt so frumpy always....I could not do anything with it when it was long except a ponytail, bun, or braid. I would go to ladies things and look around at all the women with pretty hair and feel so ugly. I LOVE my hair right now. I am grateful to be able to make choices that make me feel pretty and young not old and frumpy.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Life and the fun that goes along with it
We have been so busy this last month. I do not have time to blog like I used to. I miss it and miss reading all the blogs that I used to read. Life has been somewhat difficult lately, but I know that God never promised me or any of us a smooth road. So to get you up to speed here is what has been going on.
Good things first, my kids are doing well they are adjusting to school and becoming involved with things there. My little ones really like school and riding home on the bus and as I am pretty happy with the schools, this area is feeling better.
Secondly I am still growing all the time in my understanding and love of God as well as my personal growth in just being able to live as a now single mom of 6. I am very blessed to be in a church were the Pastor tells it like it is and the members are not afraid to encourage you and will tell you like it is as well. Kindness but not sugar coating that I can live with.
Next my suburban is mostly all repaired. My step dad, a couple of his friends, and my two older boys, put in all new spark plugs, a new heater fan motor, and a brand new radiator. They worked on it on a really cold day, but were blessed by the company he works for letting them use a heated shop. Praise God. I also repaired my drivers side door, I took it all apart repaired the handle and put it back together. It was a bit frustrating as when you take of the inside of the door and lower it the window lowers and then you have to muscle it back into place, but it is done.
The water leak in the basement is repaired. Praise God. I had to purchase a sump pump recently as we were getting about 4 inches of water a week. That was not good. We also have a brand new large sump pump as well. So hopefully things will dry out down there.
I still have my job and I love working with the residents and many of the people there. I am still struggling with the fact that I only see my kids for an hour or so a day when I work. But I do have a job.
Okay now the not so good things, I am on my second round of pink eye, first the right and now the left..... Not fun... My eye is hurting, the skin around my eye is hurting, however my eye is a lovely festive holiday red and green...hhahaha yeah I try to find the humor in everything. I am still struggling with the tail end of a cold as well, so I am tired.
The heater in the house is still not working, but we have space heaters and really it is not bad the core part of the house stays around 70 the edges of the bedroom not as warm, but I heat up rice bags and tuck them in around my kiddos and my feet and tuck them in and they stay warm till morning. So that works.
I do still struggle now and again that my husband ran off and left us. He insists that he only left me, but I figure some day he will get it. I can only pray for him, but I focus on my kids.
Tonight was my weekend off, and we watched ELF and had Christmas party food, LOL. It was fun. We are having good times when I do NOT have to work.
Well I am beat, need to get kiddos to bed and then myself.
I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and remembers to spread joy and love to others this year. Let us remember the true reason for the holiday and His gift to us, our salvation and eternal live... He paid the ultimate price for us so that we would not have to and no present could ever compare. I am not sure where I read this but something else to think about. Yes, He died for us all, but you know even if it had only been you or me just one of us, He would still have done it. That is amazing.
I bet there are many who would die to save the whole planet full of people, but what about just 1 person. Someone you do not know, are not related to, just a stranger, a homeless person, a thief, a murderer, a pesky neighbor, an ex-spouse, just one. Would YOU die for one of those? If I am being honest, I would have to say ummmm I would probably not. And I most assuredly would not give up even one of my sons for any of them. But God would and Jesus did die for just that one. He died for just YOU, because you are precious and just that important to Him.
Thank you Heavenly Father for that gift.
Merry Christmas
Hugs
Amy
Good things first, my kids are doing well they are adjusting to school and becoming involved with things there. My little ones really like school and riding home on the bus and as I am pretty happy with the schools, this area is feeling better.
Secondly I am still growing all the time in my understanding and love of God as well as my personal growth in just being able to live as a now single mom of 6. I am very blessed to be in a church were the Pastor tells it like it is and the members are not afraid to encourage you and will tell you like it is as well. Kindness but not sugar coating that I can live with.
Next my suburban is mostly all repaired. My step dad, a couple of his friends, and my two older boys, put in all new spark plugs, a new heater fan motor, and a brand new radiator. They worked on it on a really cold day, but were blessed by the company he works for letting them use a heated shop. Praise God. I also repaired my drivers side door, I took it all apart repaired the handle and put it back together. It was a bit frustrating as when you take of the inside of the door and lower it the window lowers and then you have to muscle it back into place, but it is done.
The water leak in the basement is repaired. Praise God. I had to purchase a sump pump recently as we were getting about 4 inches of water a week. That was not good. We also have a brand new large sump pump as well. So hopefully things will dry out down there.
I still have my job and I love working with the residents and many of the people there. I am still struggling with the fact that I only see my kids for an hour or so a day when I work. But I do have a job.
Okay now the not so good things, I am on my second round of pink eye, first the right and now the left..... Not fun... My eye is hurting, the skin around my eye is hurting, however my eye is a lovely festive holiday red and green...hhahaha yeah I try to find the humor in everything. I am still struggling with the tail end of a cold as well, so I am tired.
The heater in the house is still not working, but we have space heaters and really it is not bad the core part of the house stays around 70 the edges of the bedroom not as warm, but I heat up rice bags and tuck them in around my kiddos and my feet and tuck them in and they stay warm till morning. So that works.
I do still struggle now and again that my husband ran off and left us. He insists that he only left me, but I figure some day he will get it. I can only pray for him, but I focus on my kids.
Tonight was my weekend off, and we watched ELF and had Christmas party food, LOL. It was fun. We are having good times when I do NOT have to work.
Well I am beat, need to get kiddos to bed and then myself.
I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and remembers to spread joy and love to others this year. Let us remember the true reason for the holiday and His gift to us, our salvation and eternal live... He paid the ultimate price for us so that we would not have to and no present could ever compare. I am not sure where I read this but something else to think about. Yes, He died for us all, but you know even if it had only been you or me just one of us, He would still have done it. That is amazing.
I bet there are many who would die to save the whole planet full of people, but what about just 1 person. Someone you do not know, are not related to, just a stranger, a homeless person, a thief, a murderer, a pesky neighbor, an ex-spouse, just one. Would YOU die for one of those? If I am being honest, I would have to say ummmm I would probably not. And I most assuredly would not give up even one of my sons for any of them. But God would and Jesus did die for just that one. He died for just YOU, because you are precious and just that important to Him.
Thank you Heavenly Father for that gift.
Merry Christmas
Hugs
Amy
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Work in progress
Hello I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving. I am in the process of switching everything over for the Christmas season.. Please bare with me, I am not really liking the pic I have up and plan to change it, but for tonight, I am watching a movie with my girl!
Hugs
Amy
Hugs
Amy
Monday, November 16, 2009
Just a closer walk with Thee
A heard this song yesterday at the retirement home where I work. Now, normally I am a pretty modern sort of gal, and love a contemporary song service, but I love Patsy Cline. I think sometimes it is because I can sing alot like her. Her voice is deeper, and so is mine. I can do high notes, but I so prefer this. But I also really love this song, so hey bonus!! But with everything I have going on, this song is so true of my life right now. I want a closer walk with my Lord.
Daily I need Him near to make it through. I can not imagine my life without Him. If this all had happened and I had not had my faith in my heavenly Father, I would have been so lost. The Lord is all I need, and truly where I am weak He is strong. I am still sometimes working on the satisfied part. I sometimes take my eyes off of my Lord and worry about what I do not have instead of be thankful for what I do have, my Heavenly Father. And all I need is a closer walk with Him.
Let it be dear Lord, let it be!
Daily I need Him near to make it through. I can not imagine my life without Him. If this all had happened and I had not had my faith in my heavenly Father, I would have been so lost. The Lord is all I need, and truly where I am weak He is strong. I am still sometimes working on the satisfied part. I sometimes take my eyes off of my Lord and worry about what I do not have instead of be thankful for what I do have, my Heavenly Father. And all I need is a closer walk with Him.
Let it be dear Lord, let it be!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
What I am working on
Okay so since I am now a single mom, and I can not afford repairman....I am learning to do things, I already mentioned the head and tail lights. Next with the car, I am going to get someone to teach me how to do spark plugs, that way I can do them myself. I also need to replace the radiator, I am hoping I can find someone with patience for someone who wants to learn and will teach me. Not that I WANT to do car repair, but hey it has to be done.
Wednesday, I took apart the freezer part of the fridge I am getting pooling water in the bottom of the fridge. I tried flushing it and then blowing warm air down it. I am not sure if I have totally solved the problem yet or not....I guess I will see. If not well I can do it again if I have to.
Next up, fixing the major water leak in the basement. It is bad enough that, I just pumped 4 inches of water out of the basement. SIGH.... I asked a man at church who knows plumbing how to do it and he is going to lend me the tools to do it and I will get it done. That way I can get someone down there to fix my heater, as the motot on the blower is shot. Who knows perhaps I will fix that as well. I also need to fix the water line under the kitchen sink, the connection to the filter faucet leaks so I have no cold water in the kitchen. Thankfully I have hot water back in the main bathroom, Tony fixed that awhile back. YAY!!!
So I guess I have some things to keep me busy!! ; )
Busy quick hugs
Amy
Wednesday, I took apart the freezer part of the fridge I am getting pooling water in the bottom of the fridge. I tried flushing it and then blowing warm air down it. I am not sure if I have totally solved the problem yet or not....I guess I will see. If not well I can do it again if I have to.
Next up, fixing the major water leak in the basement. It is bad enough that, I just pumped 4 inches of water out of the basement. SIGH.... I asked a man at church who knows plumbing how to do it and he is going to lend me the tools to do it and I will get it done. That way I can get someone down there to fix my heater, as the motot on the blower is shot. Who knows perhaps I will fix that as well. I also need to fix the water line under the kitchen sink, the connection to the filter faucet leaks so I have no cold water in the kitchen. Thankfully I have hot water back in the main bathroom, Tony fixed that awhile back. YAY!!!
So I guess I have some things to keep me busy!! ; )
Busy quick hugs
Amy
Loss in Divorce
You know when I first found out that my husband planned to leave me, I was in shock, astounded that this person I have loved, yes through many hard times although there were good, is leaving. The heartbreak of this was so overwhelming that I just kinda narrowed my focus down to this one aspect, I am losing my husband. The man I had shared over 20 years with. The man who really even through the struggles, was my best friend in many ways, we had alot of good times.
Talking at night while laying in bed and laughing over the silliest things, the movies we just laughed over so hard that we would rewind some parts a few times, just to laugh some more. Or when we took the kids to the state fair and they wanted to go into the fun house and the first part you could see as they tried to walk through the hall of mirrors and kept crashing, we almost were rolling on the ground with that.
Or when we started "dating" up at family camp and we were hanging out together and we went walking on the landing strip, and then heard a group of little old ladies coming and though hey maybe we should hide, yeah that always looks better, hiding, LOL. Anyway so we duck behind some trees, and for some reason my Tony decides to throw a huge rock over the cliff as he tossed it he ummmmm how to say it, passed gas loud enough to echo off the surrounding mountains, LOL.....ahahahahah I was having a hard enough time not laughing then he asks "Ummm you didn't hear that did you"? LOL Oh my gosh I said No and started laughing so hard I almost peed my pants. We had alot of funny times. I miss those
Or that more tender moments the birth of our children, the warm hugs and understanding when I lost an uncle, the compassion when I lost a friend, or those many moments that married couples have. The closeness of having your husband there at night warm your toes, LOL. Or knowing you can just reach out to him and he will be there beside you to catch his hand when you need to feel secure. The strength of his arms when I was worried.
Then the worries and concern over my children. Will they be okay, how am I going to support them, I have been a mostly stay at home mom for 18 years. Will they be as miserable as I am, or will they do okay. These eventually turned into, I hope and pray my kiddos do okay at school since I can no longer home school. To worries of I hope they are okay all day long without me being here.
These things overwhelmed me so much that I even missed other painful aspects of this loss. I am losing family and friends. Not just my husband. The band is no longer speaking to me and has removed me as friends on various sites. These men and their families were my friends too, at least that is how I thought of them. I MISS these relationships. I miss being one of the group. Also, I am missing my sister in laws and brother in laws as well as my nieces and nephews and my mother and father in law, and while I can still see pictures and stuff and send cards for birthdays, I will never again be part of the family, especially as I am replaced. The heartbreak in this is amazing. I am unsure some days on how on earth I can live with this continuing pain and loss.
I miss them all so much.
I know that God has a plan for me and that some day all the sharpness of this pain will fade, (I hope) and that I will be able to go through a day without crying. God never intended for it to be this way. When your family, your family!!!
Sadly but not without hope
Amy
Talking at night while laying in bed and laughing over the silliest things, the movies we just laughed over so hard that we would rewind some parts a few times, just to laugh some more. Or when we took the kids to the state fair and they wanted to go into the fun house and the first part you could see as they tried to walk through the hall of mirrors and kept crashing, we almost were rolling on the ground with that.
Or when we started "dating" up at family camp and we were hanging out together and we went walking on the landing strip, and then heard a group of little old ladies coming and though hey maybe we should hide, yeah that always looks better, hiding, LOL. Anyway so we duck behind some trees, and for some reason my Tony decides to throw a huge rock over the cliff as he tossed it he ummmmm how to say it, passed gas loud enough to echo off the surrounding mountains, LOL.....ahahahahah I was having a hard enough time not laughing then he asks "Ummm you didn't hear that did you"? LOL Oh my gosh I said No and started laughing so hard I almost peed my pants. We had alot of funny times. I miss those
Or that more tender moments the birth of our children, the warm hugs and understanding when I lost an uncle, the compassion when I lost a friend, or those many moments that married couples have. The closeness of having your husband there at night warm your toes, LOL. Or knowing you can just reach out to him and he will be there beside you to catch his hand when you need to feel secure. The strength of his arms when I was worried.
Then the worries and concern over my children. Will they be okay, how am I going to support them, I have been a mostly stay at home mom for 18 years. Will they be as miserable as I am, or will they do okay. These eventually turned into, I hope and pray my kiddos do okay at school since I can no longer home school. To worries of I hope they are okay all day long without me being here.
These things overwhelmed me so much that I even missed other painful aspects of this loss. I am losing family and friends. Not just my husband. The band is no longer speaking to me and has removed me as friends on various sites. These men and their families were my friends too, at least that is how I thought of them. I MISS these relationships. I miss being one of the group. Also, I am missing my sister in laws and brother in laws as well as my nieces and nephews and my mother and father in law, and while I can still see pictures and stuff and send cards for birthdays, I will never again be part of the family, especially as I am replaced. The heartbreak in this is amazing. I am unsure some days on how on earth I can live with this continuing pain and loss.
I miss them all so much.
I know that God has a plan for me and that some day all the sharpness of this pain will fade, (I hope) and that I will be able to go through a day without crying. God never intended for it to be this way. When your family, your family!!!
Sadly but not without hope
Amy
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
WHO AM I???
After some discussion I found today that I am still tying WHO I AM up too much in my used to be husband, just because he chose to leave our family does not make me a failure and does not define me. WHO I AM IS A CHILD OF GOD, which yes is true, but more importantly even, and this was pointed out to me today, that WHO I AM IS A TEMPLE FOR GOD, and if nothing else isn't that absolutely amazing??
I mean He is GOD he created everything and we are meant to be a temple for HIM.... WOW Honestly I would never have seen this. I guess with my stress I can be pretty wrapped up in life, but I have an answer now to the question WHO AM I. That IS enough....
I am sure at some point more revelations about Gods plan for my life will be brought to light, but seriously I can live with this, it is WOW
I mean He is GOD he created everything and we are meant to be a temple for HIM.... WOW Honestly I would never have seen this. I guess with my stress I can be pretty wrapped up in life, but I have an answer now to the question WHO AM I. That IS enough....
I am sure at some point more revelations about Gods plan for my life will be brought to light, but seriously I can live with this, it is WOW
Happy Veterans Day
Thank you all who have served our country, even when we have not always supported you nor deserved your loyalty.....Thank you for your courage, your hard work, your sacrifice, your commitment, your honor, and your bravery!!!! I am proud of you all!!! Thank you again to my brothers, Christopher and David again I am prouder then you know. Thank you Veterans, on this Veterans Day!
Sunday, November 8, 2009
What we have been up to lately
A couple of weeks ago the kiddos and I went to a bonfire at a church friends house. We roasted hot dogs and made smores....had a hay rack ride, witnessed the wonders of God up in the sky thanks to the lack of street lights unfortunately my camera batteries were dead so I took a couple with my camera which really does not take the best night pictures.
These are my new boots, I got them at a major discount. They are Fatbaby boots by ariat...They have nice rounded toes and are really comfortable, besides way too cute.. They had a variety of colors and I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to have them all... Hi my name is Amy and I am a shoe-aholic, sigh....yes I have a problem I doubt I will ever take a pic of all of my shoes and share it. I once joked that smart cars are dumb cause they would not even hold all of my shoes, I was only mostly kidding...sigh. : )
Kitty on parents farm, it almost let me hold it okay well it did let me hold it for like 3 seconds and then apparently it got a good look at me and was like HEY, I DON'T KNOW THIS WOMAN, hissing and scratching insued....SIGH....he is pretty cute stripy legs solid colored body
And this way too cute sign I found a TSC just like my boots, and while yes I am not a little kid, I found the sign to be way to cute and it matches the colors in my room and I like it.
We have been busy in church and I am taking membership classes and plan to join the church when we can. I am so glad that I have found my new church family.. Our lives are kinda smoothing out, SIGH... although today was a hideously bad day and I even ended up in the ER with one kiddo getting a staple put in the head, a block fight accident. God has carried us through in so many ways as He has promised.
My tires were bald on my car and I could not afford all 4 at one time. No one would touch them until I did all 4 as they told me they were so bad it was illegal for them to touch them unless replacing them. The man my parents get their tires from said he would replace the two I could afford and put the best two old ones on the back. Well when the appointment was made and he heard about how bad the tires actually were, I had holes through what was left of the tread, he said he would replace all four and I could just make payments on the other two. He did not want me and my kids to die as they were at serious risk of blowing.
God provides, what a blessing this man has been to me and my kids. I am so thankful he allowed God to work through him. There have been all sorts of things that popped up like this alot of them little things. These neat little reminders that God is indeed there and that He has a plan.
Wednesday night, my ex-husband kindly check the fluids in the suburban, as I know the radiator has a crack in it, that's next on the repair list. Anyway I had NO oil in it at all or at least not enough to read. This makes no sense. I had the fluids check not very long ago and my suburban has NEVER leaked oil. Come to find out the oil filter is loose. It is not on as it should be. God kept my engine from blowing, I know that with every fiber of my being I had put over 3 hours of driving time on the car that day. The nice gentleman at the car place here in town tightened it all back up for me for free.
I have had a number of other things happen that I will share later, but for now I have a movie to watch and pizza and floats to eat with my kiddos.
Hugs
Amy
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
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