Work in progress

Hello I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving. I am in the process of switching everything over for the Christmas season.. Please bare with me, I am not really liking the pic I have up and plan to change it, but for tonight, I am watching a movie with my girl!
Hugs
Amy

Just a closer walk with Thee

A heard this song yesterday at the retirement home where I work. Now, normally I am a pretty modern sort of gal, and love a contemporary song service, but I love Patsy Cline. I think sometimes it is because I can sing alot like her. Her voice is deeper, and so is mine. I can do high notes, but I so prefer this. But I also really love this song, so hey bonus!! But with everything I have going on, this song is so true of my life right now. I want a closer walk with my Lord.

Daily I need Him near to make it through. I can not imagine my life without Him. If this all had happened and I had not had my faith in my heavenly Father, I would have been so lost. The Lord is all I need, and truly where I am weak He is strong. I am still sometimes working on the satisfied part. I sometimes take my eyes off of my Lord and worry about what I do not have instead of be thankful for what I do have, my Heavenly Father. And all I need is a closer walk with Him.

Let it be dear Lord, let it be!

What I am working on

Okay so since I am now a single mom, and I can not afford repairman....I am learning to do things, I already mentioned the head and tail lights. Next with the car, I am going to get someone to teach me how to do spark plugs, that way I can do them myself. I also need to replace the radiator, I am hoping I can find someone with patience for someone who wants to learn and will teach me. Not that I WANT to do car repair, but hey it has to be done.

Wednesday, I took apart the freezer part of the fridge I am getting pooling water in the bottom of the fridge. I tried flushing it and then blowing warm air down it. I am not sure if I have totally solved the problem yet or not....I guess I will see. If not well I can do it again if I have to.

Next up, fixing the major water leak in the basement. It is bad enough that, I just pumped 4 inches of water out of the basement. SIGH.... I asked a man at church who knows plumbing how to do it and he is going to lend me the tools to do it and I will get it done. That way I can get someone down there to fix my heater, as the motot on the blower is shot. Who knows perhaps I will fix that as well. I also need to fix the water line under the kitchen sink, the connection to the filter faucet leaks so I have no cold water in the kitchen. Thankfully I have hot water back in the main bathroom, Tony fixed that awhile back. YAY!!!

So I guess I have some things to keep me busy!! ; )

Busy quick hugs
Amy

Loss in Divorce

You know when I first found out that my husband planned to leave me, I was in shock, astounded that this person I have loved, yes through many hard times although there were good, is leaving. The heartbreak of this was so overwhelming that I just kinda narrowed my focus down to this one aspect, I am losing my husband. The man I had shared over 20 years with. The man who really even through the struggles, was my best friend in many ways, we had alot of good times.

Talking at night while laying in bed and laughing over the silliest things, the movies we just laughed over so hard that we would rewind some parts a few times, just to laugh some more. Or when we took the kids to the state fair and they wanted to go into the fun house and the first part you could see as they tried to walk through the hall of mirrors and kept crashing, we almost were rolling on the ground with that.

Or when we started "dating" up at family camp and we were hanging out together and we went walking on the landing strip, and then heard a group of little old ladies coming and though hey maybe we should hide, yeah that always looks better, hiding, LOL. Anyway so we duck behind some trees, and for some reason my Tony decides to throw a huge rock over the cliff as he tossed it he ummmmm how to say it, passed gas loud enough to echo off the surrounding mountains, LOL.....ahahahahah I was having a hard enough time not laughing then he asks "Ummm you didn't hear that did you"? LOL Oh my gosh I said No and started laughing so hard I almost peed my pants. We had alot of funny times. I miss those

Or that more tender moments the birth of our children, the warm hugs and understanding when I lost an uncle, the compassion when I lost a friend, or those many moments that married couples have. The closeness of having your husband there at night warm your toes, LOL. Or knowing you can just reach out to him and he will be there beside you to catch his hand when you need to feel secure. The strength of his arms when I was worried.

Then the worries and concern over my children. Will they be okay, how am I going to support them, I have been a mostly stay at home mom for 18 years. Will they be as miserable as I am, or will they do okay. These eventually turned into, I hope and pray my kiddos do okay at school since I can no longer home school. To worries of I hope they are okay all day long without me being here.

These things overwhelmed me so much that I even missed other painful aspects of this loss. I am losing family and friends. Not just my husband. The band is no longer speaking to me and has removed me as friends on various sites. These men and their families were my friends too, at least that is how I thought of them. I MISS these relationships. I miss being one of the group. Also, I am missing my sister in laws and brother in laws as well as my nieces and nephews and my mother and father in law, and while I can still see pictures and stuff and send cards for birthdays, I will never again be part of the family, especially as I am replaced. The heartbreak in this is amazing. I am unsure some days on how on earth I can live with this continuing pain and loss.

I miss them all so much.

I know that God has a plan for me and that some day all the sharpness of this pain will fade, (I hope) and that I will be able to go through a day without crying. God never intended for it to be this way. When your family, your family!!!

Sadly but not without hope
Amy

WHO AM I???

After some discussion I found today that I am still tying WHO I AM up too much in my used to be husband, just because he chose to leave our family does not make me a failure and does not define me. WHO I AM IS A CHILD OF GOD, which yes is true, but more importantly even, and this was pointed out to me today, that WHO I AM IS A TEMPLE FOR GOD, and if nothing else isn't that absolutely amazing??

I mean He is GOD he created everything and we are meant to be a temple for HIM.... WOW Honestly I would never have seen this. I guess with my stress I can be pretty wrapped up in life, but I have an answer now to the question WHO AM I. That IS enough....

I am sure at some point more revelations about Gods plan for my life will be brought to light, but seriously I can live with this, it is WOW

Happy Veterans Day

Thank you all who have served our country, even when we have not always supported you nor deserved your loyalty.....Thank you for your courage, your hard work, your sacrifice, your commitment, your honor, and your bravery!!!! I am proud of you all!!! Thank you again to my brothers, Christopher and David again I am prouder then you know. Thank you Veterans, on this Veterans Day!

What we have been up to lately

A couple of weeks ago the kiddos and I went to a bonfire at a church friends house. We roasted hot dogs and made smores....had a hay rack ride, witnessed the wonders of God up in the sky thanks to the lack of street lights unfortunately my camera batteries were dead so I took a couple with my camera which really does not take the best night pictures.

These are my new boots, I got them at a major discount. They are Fatbaby boots by ariat...They have nice rounded toes and are really comfortable, besides way too cute.. They had a variety of colors and I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to have them all... Hi my name is Amy and I am a shoe-aholic, sigh....yes I have a problem I doubt I will ever take a pic of all of my shoes and share it. I once joked that smart cars are dumb cause they would not even hold all of my shoes, I was only mostly kidding...sigh. : )

Kitty on parents farm, it almost let me hold it okay well it did let me hold it for like 3 seconds and then apparently it got a good look at me and was like HEY, I DON'T KNOW THIS WOMAN, hissing and scratching insued....SIGH....he is pretty cute stripy legs solid colored body

And this way too cute sign I found a TSC just like my boots, and while yes I am not a little kid, I found the sign to be way to cute and it matches the colors in my room and I like it.

We have been busy in church and I am taking membership classes and plan to join the church when we can. I am so glad that I have found my new church family.. Our lives are kinda smoothing out, SIGH... although today was a hideously bad day and I even ended up in the ER with one kiddo getting a staple put in the head, a block fight accident. God has carried us through in so many ways as He has promised.

My tires were bald on my car and I could not afford all 4 at one time. No one would touch them until I did all 4 as they told me they were so bad it was illegal for them to touch them unless replacing them. The man my parents get their tires from said he would replace the two I could afford and put the best two old ones on the back. Well when the appointment was made and he heard about how bad the tires actually were, I had holes through what was left of the tread, he said he would replace all four and I could just make payments on the other two. He did not want me and my kids to die as they were at serious risk of blowing.

God provides, what a blessing this man has been to me and my kids. I am so thankful he allowed God to work through him. There have been all sorts of things that popped up like this alot of them little things. These neat little reminders that God is indeed there and that He has a plan.

Wednesday night, my ex-husband kindly check the fluids in the suburban, as I know the radiator has a crack in it, that's next on the repair list. Anyway I had NO oil in it at all or at least not enough to read. This makes no sense. I had the fluids check not very long ago and my suburban has NEVER leaked oil. Come to find out the oil filter is loose. It is not on as it should be. God kept my engine from blowing, I know that with every fiber of my being I had put over 3 hours of driving time on the car that day. The nice gentleman at the car place here in town tightened it all back up for me for free.

I have had a number of other things happen that I will share later, but for now I have a movie to watch and pizza and floats to eat with my kiddos.

Hugs
Amy

A gift for a friend

I thought this turned out pretty!!!

Halloween this year was.....

pretty good I guess although I had to work both Friday when our town hosted a main street trick or treating, and Saturday on Halloween....and as I am generally the picture taker...we have no pics of anyone in costume this year to share, LOL... The kids carved pumpkins, we made popcorn balls yesterday morning, and then the kids dad brought those who were not exhausted over to my work last night. I work at a nursing home and they came in and visited with a few residents, got a couple of pieces of candy, and I got to see my two youngest and my 14 year much taller then me son, for a few minutes on Halloween. YAY!!! So all in all it was pretty good.

I know I have said a couple of times that I will be posting more. This next Wed I do not think I will be going anywhere until church time, and I will use that time to write many of the posts I would like to post, and then just post them every so often. I have learned so much about myself, and really honestly about God in the last 8 months that it is amazing. God has been so good to me and my kids.

Hugs and happy first day of November, yeah, November can you believe it already??
HUGS
Amy

New Pictures LOL

I decided to play around and take some new pictures a couple of days ago.... These are my four favorite, I may take some more soon....I spent to much time hiding from the camera and not enjoying life as much as I should, LOL.,...

I hope everyone is having a nice weekend....Earlier I replaced a couple of lights in one of the tail lights and then the drivers side mirror....learning lots of new things now that I do not have a husband to take care of all those husband sort of things. LOL ; ) Not that us ladies can't do it cause well hey I am!! Next spark plugs.

I am so enjoying the new tires God blessed me with. No one would work on them because they were to bald And unless I replaced all 4 they would not rotate 2 of the best to the back. Well, my parents tire guy said he would do it so that my kids and I would be safer, and then the week prior to my plans to go up there I noticed holes in where the tread should have been..

When my mom called and made the appointment for me, she told him how bad they were, he said "Forget moving two to the back I am replacing all four and she can just pay me back when she can". " I don't want her and her kids to die." THANK YOU GOD!!!! So thanks to God and a wonderful man I have brand new tires with TREAD!!! lol... Now just need radiator repaired, the new spark plugs and maybe wires, then we will be pretty good. The Lord is surely merciful and gracious.

Off to the church hot dog roast and hay rack ride.

Hugs
Amy

No time...

I now I promised a post sooner then this. I have been so busy that I have fallen behind in my plans, LOL....No surprise there...I do not have to work Monday and I do not believe I have to go anywhere until church on Wed evening... So perhaps I will get all the things posted that I have been wanting to share... Until then God is good all the time!!
Hugs
Amy

I have been sooooo busy

A Kansas sunset....I kinda like the way the bleacher railings from the sunset...although it would have been fantastic without the railings there....and no I did not go closer to miss the railings I hate bleachers.
Anyway, I have alot of neat things to share, I posted a post before this one about some things I am learning, I will share more as I can. Tomorrow I will hopefully be able to write and update. Too late tonight!

Hugs Everyone
Amy

Wait for it.....

Habakkuk 2:3

For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.

I had been so struggling when I read this verse. I had wondered what was I supposed to be doing. What are Gods plans for me and my children. Does he have a plan when Lord when...

Then it hit me... Wait Amy, just wait, peace and Gods plan will come through. While we may have to suffer sometimes and we have been going through alot. Gods ultimate will and his plans for my children and myself will come through he wants only God for us. All I have to do is just give it to him and allow Him to work in his time and not get in the way.

It is easier then it sounds I must admit. However with the new growth I have experienced in this area and the godly wisdom of the ladies in my ladies group as well as the fantastic teachings from my pastor, I can wait! I do occasionally have struggle and start to panic and worry. It no longer last very long, I rebuke those spirits of fear, worry, anger and even some bitterness that likes to sneak in now and again. They must leave in Jesus name.

I will not allow those things to divert me from my connection with God and from the peace he has given me. THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN!!!

His plans for me will come. Waiting His timing.

Amy

Signs of Fall

We have had such wonderful weather here the last few months....We have been blessed. It has seemed like fall is here a bit earlier then usual this year. On Sunday morning with drove though fog to get to church. The weather has remained cool. We have had a number of grey rainy days. I so want to get out all of my fall decorations and decorate the house with the leaves and scarecrows and pumpkins. I enjoy doing that with the season.

However this year I will not be decorating my house. I still do not have anywhere to go. I was contacted by a realtor last week letting me know that Fannie Mae wants me out by the 15th I believe she said. I have been unable to get any information on who to contact about getting until the end of the month. I will be renting a storage unit this week and starting to put all of our stuff in it, how handy that there is one right across the street, saves on renting a trailer, as I can no longer use both of the back doors of my suburban because of someone trying to break into it, so I can't fit alot into the back now. I have made numerous calls and been unable to track down anyone who can actually talk to me about this.

I know God has a plan for me and my kids. I trust him, but to say I am not a bit worried would not be totally truthful. I am worried a bit. LOL... I have no money as I have yet to receive any child support it is hard to make ends meet. I had a 500 dollar electric bill, plus 5 kids to enroll in school and buy school stuff for, as I can no longer home school. I do not have enough time in the day. Plus all the other bills and necessities...So I have no savings, no prospect on a house, and am running out of time.

Also I am struggling with making all these decisions alone... I do not want to mess up. I do not want to make my children struggle or suffer anymore then they already are. Not that I have alot of choices left to me. I KNOW that God could work it out for us to have a nice house in the country where the kids could keep their pets and I could keep my dogs...Is He going to?? I am not sure I do not begin to imagine I can totally understand His plans. I know He has them...

Gotta run,
Hugs
Amy Ellen

Life

Yesterday was NOT a good day..... I found out the an aunt who was very close to my age died Wed. I had not even known she was sick.....I have been sooo busy with falling apart and getting it back together that I had not made much in the way of phone calls etc out to California lately. She is only a few years older then me and she had been batteling cancer for awhile. It came back again and through out her body. The good news is today she is no longer in pain. We will see her again someday.

I also discovered some one at work has been spreading more lies about me. Even going to the administrator and accusing me of some highly inappropriate things. Things that never happened. I have been very fruistrated. Why why why must people do this... I know that God will take care of this. *see previous post!! It hurst, but Lord you will never drop me. Well got kiddos to get to school.

Amy