This morning I was having a bit of a bad day. Got a text 5 min before I needed to be up. That always frustrates me.... 5 more minutes!!! LOL... I ran behind getting out the door.... I prefer to be at church 30 min early... I just like to sit in the sanctuary, unwind and focus on being ready to worship.
Well, today I did not leave the house until almost the time I like to be there... SIGH..... So after the text, then being late, things just weren't going well. Not all of my children, who are still staying with their dad, were going to be ready to go to church with me. I prefer to have all my precious kiddos with me, and that made me even more frustrated.
So, I am driving down the road and thought okay I need music... I adore music, I sing all the time... My favorite way to get rid of stress is get in the car drive, and turn the music up loud and sing along... : ) I thought YES, music, so I turned on K-Love... and after about 30 seconds I was smiling, singing and saying you know what it does not matter... I still have no solution for a house, I still need some things fixed on my car, I still need a job, I still do not have my kids living with me due to the house, I still have a back that is iffy, my Grandmother is still gone, and I am still divorced, but so what....
Yeah all these things hurt, terribly, I would give about anything to have my Grandmother alive, to hear her voice, see her face, I want a home for my kids and myself and that job. I need to get the car fixed, waiting on tax return, and I would not mind someday being married again. I like having someone else around... Share concerns with, keep my feet warm, LOL. ; )
But what I REALLY mean is this.... I am ALIVE, I can see GODS beautiful creations, I was driving down a street that was lined with trees and had snow filled yards, it was lovely, I have come out of the last 2 years stronger, more alive, more in touch with God, in a better church, with more amazing friends who support me, then I have ever had. I have not given up, I am not going to. I have not fallen apart, I know that sometimes you get so far and you need help for anxiety or depression and I am not knocking that. But I DO NOT need these things, I am better now and have a better relationship with God than I have ever had before in my life.
So this is a time to celebrate!!! I am alive, and GOD lives in me and will carry me through anything that the world can toss at me.