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Hi, I am me... I am a mom with a great sense of humor, a kind heart, a giving spirit, a desire to please, and enough strength to keep on going even when life knocks me down... I am me... : )

Wednesday, January 5, 2011


You know we all struggle from time to time and mostly we can say tomorrow will be better. One day at a time and I can make it. I have been a glass is half full kind of gal most of my life, although I will admit that the last 18 months or so, I have sometimes sounded more like a glass is really empty sort of person. I stopped posting very often, because I did not like how I sounded and that I could not seem to manage to find things to be positive about.

I have often wondered how people can get to a point of just giving up. A couple of years ago, a man I knew to be, at least in my dealings, a kind, generous, smiling man. One who always stopped to say hello if he saw me. One who worked on my truck after I bought it without expecting anything, one who gave me the cattle guard for the front for free 2 weeks later. He had even had a higher offer for it, but had already given his word and a hand shake. That kind of man, who when facing a divorce and loss of his family, did the unthinkable... I was so filled with sorrow, that perhaps he had never known our heavenly Father... Is this why he lost all hope?

And then there are those who's lives keep going wrong, they lose their jobs, their homes, their spouses leave, a child may die, nothing goes right and they too may reach that end of the rope.. I had always figured well they must not have had a church family and a relationship with God. Not that I was pointing a finger mind you and saying SHAME on you... I just could never quite fathom I guess how one can get so low as to lose all their hope.

However, within the past 18 months of my life, my darling Grandmother passed away without any warning really. I lost my husband of 18 years, I lost my time with my children having to enroll them in school and no longer home school and for them being gone to spend time with the NEW family. I lost my home and have been for all intents and purposes, been homeless since April of 2010. In September I was put on leave from my job that I loved and enjoyed, because I could not do the job to the "WRITTEN DESCRIPTION". Although I had never needed to do anything the "WRITTEN DESCRIPTION" said. I eventually had to give a letter of resignation to my work as I could not be cleared by a doctor with my back issues to do said "WRITTEN DESCRIPTION".

I had to move my children out of a town and schools they loved where the teachers were amazing and the principles, awesome Godly men..... People spread lies about me far and wide. I then had to move some of my children in with their dad and his new family, which is so NOT what I wanted, as I still have no home. I am living in a friends basement. And she is moving out at the end of the month. I will shortly have no home........ I still have not found a job that I can do......

I am here to say I now understand how someone can, through no fault of their own end up homeless, helpless and HOPEless...... I have touched upon that awful sense of HOPElessness, and I do have a fantastic amazing church family. I do have a relationship with my Heavenly Father.... And so now my heart breaks that much more for those who have fallen into despair, defeat, doom, and HOPElessness.

Job 30:25-27 25 Have I not wept for those in trouble? Has not my soul grieved for the poor? 26 Yet when I hoped for good, evil came; when I looked for light, then came darkness. 27 The churning inside me never stops; days of suffering confront me.

You know the funny yet not so funny thing about the above verse is, that for awhile when I was struggling, I was trying to keep laughing and I said to someone just call me Amy-Job..... I felt so beat down. Sometimes you need to read more of what you need to be reminded of instead of just where you should be from your devotionals for such and such date.. During some of this my devotionals were in Revelations. And I know it is NOT all doom and gloom for everyone, I am saved, but sometimes reading it was just so hard and way to heavy. So Psalms it is...

Psalm 43 1 Vindicate me, my God, and plead my cause against an unfaithful nation. Rescue me from those who are deceitful and wicked. 2 You are God my stronghold. Why have you rejected me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy? 3 Send me your light and your faithful care, let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell. 4 Then I will go to the altar of God, to God, my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God. 5 Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

As well as

Psalm 12 1 Help, LORD, for no one is faithful anymore; those who are loyal have vanished from the human race. 2 Everyone lies to their neighbor; they flatter with their lips but harbor deception in their hearts. 3 May the LORD silence all flattering lips and every boastful tongue— those who say, “By our tongues we will prevail; our own lips will defend us—who is lord over us?” 5 “Because the poor are plundered and the needy groan, I will now arise,” says the LORD. “I will protect them from those who malign them.” 6 And the words of the LORD are flawless, like silver purified in a crucible, like gold refined seven times. 7 You, LORD, will keep the needy safe and will protect us forever from the wicked, 8 who freely strut about when what is vile is honored by the human race.

Now, nothing in here says that my life is going to be grand and easy. But it does say the Lord will protect us, vindicate us. I have witnessed a number of times things in the last year where the situation has turned around someone who had help spread lies, apologized and we smoothed things over. Eventually God rights the wrongs, we just can't lose site of what is MOST important our relationship with our Heavenly Father. Yes, all these things have been huge blows. I will proclaim that loudly. I have hurt, cried, wanted to just not be. But every time, I got off of my face and knees, I looked back toward HIM

Now, I am still facing having no where to be in less than a month. Nothing has changed about my situation, except that again today, I put my eyes on HIM on my Heavenly Father, the one who offers HOPE, who I knows wants the best for me, HIS child, HIS princess and for my children. Why wouldn't HE, what FATHER doesn't want the best for HIS child. But like every parent knows sometimes children have to go through things to grow, to become strong, to be able to be the best they can be. If we never let them fall the could hardly learn to walk much less run...

Be Blessed and remember don't lose hope... We must weather storms to grow strong roots so that we can stand.... The sunny days will come just keep looking up toward our FATHER. He's there just waiting for us to take HIS hand, that's what good daddies do..

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