Thursday, June 16, 2011
Struggling with Doubt
Why is it that even when we no better, and I do, that we still can fall into a season of doubting. There I said it. I don't like to admit it. I have been struggling with this. I know for a fact that my Heavenly Father will carry me through all things. And yet, over the last two months I have been really struggling with this. I avoid conversations with people, blogging or asking for prayer, because I don't want to admit my struggle.
I want people to think, hey Amy is doing great. A single mom with 6 kids, she's smiling, making things work, doing things for others. What happens is I become quiet when I am stressed. Because once I start I unload and I so did not want to bring others down. I want to be a positive person, the cheerleader, the I have faith that is unshakable person! But I'm not always that person that I so very much want to be.
Well, I am weary! Things have been a bit tough lately. Some days, I worry that I can't pay my bills, and I don't have major bills. I have been living in a bit of a state of panic and worry, praying Lord please don't let someone ruin another pair of shoes or pants or whatever. Lord please don't let them be quite so hungry ALL THE TIME! Lord please make that $20 I put in my suburban last the week so I can get to work to make enough money to pay rent. Lord please hold the truck together til I can afford to fix the oil leak.... SIGH.... and that is just the tip of the iceberg. Lord I can't afford tithe. I know before I even have my check that there is NOT enough.
I know so many others are in the exact same boat without a paddle. And I honestly don't mean to whine. I just wanted to ask for prayer from anyone who may stop by. This is me being honest and humbly asking for your prayers for peace, for favor, for strength when I am tired. I will be tithing this week. I KNOW better. I am believing that the Lord will bless what is left and make it go farther then it ever should. Thank you in advance for your prayers.