Happy Birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TODAY TO MY LOVEY, FUNNY, FUN, AMAZING, TALENTED, ADORABLE, SWEET, BEAUTIFUL, CREATIVE, OUTGOING, AND ONE AND ONLY DAUGHTER. I can't believe your fifteen!! Where did the time go? Just yesterday it seems like you were so tiny and cuddly all wrapped in your little pink blanket with bunnies on it. I was so happy when you were born. Just so sweet and pink!!! I am so thankful that God blessed me with you!! I love you Katelynn!!

A time for celebration

This morning I was having a bit of a bad day. Got a text 5 min before I needed to be up. That always frustrates me.... 5 more minutes!!! LOL... I ran behind getting out the door.... I prefer to be at church 30 min early... I just like to sit in the sanctuary, unwind and focus on being ready to worship.

Well, today I did not leave the house until almost the time I like to be there... SIGH..... So after the text, then being late, things just weren't going well. Not all of my children, who are still staying with their dad, were going to be ready to go to church with me. I prefer to have all my precious kiddos with me, and that made me even more frustrated.

So, I am driving down the road and thought okay I need music... I adore music, I sing all the time... My favorite way to get rid of stress is get in the car drive, and turn the music up loud and sing along... : ) I thought YES, music, so I turned on K-Love... and after about 30 seconds I was smiling, singing and saying you know what it does not matter... I still have no solution for a house, I still need some things fixed on my car, I still need a job, I still do not have my kids living with me due to the house, I still have a back that is iffy, my Grandmother is still gone, and I am still divorced, but so what....

Yeah all these things hurt, terribly, I would give about anything to have my Grandmother alive, to hear her voice, see her face, I want a home for my kids and myself and that job. I need to get the car fixed, waiting on tax return, and I would not mind someday being married again. I like having someone else around... Share concerns with, keep my feet warm, LOL. ; )

But what I REALLY mean is this.... I am ALIVE, I can see GODS beautiful creations, I was driving down a street that was lined with trees and had snow filled yards, it was lovely, I have come out of the last 2 years stronger, more alive, more in touch with God, in a better church, with more amazing friends who support me, then I have ever had. I have not given up, I am not going to. I have not fallen apart, I know that sometimes you get so far and you need help for anxiety or depression and I am not knocking that. But I DO NOT need these things, I am better now and have a better relationship with God than I have ever had before in my life.

So this is a time to celebrate!!! I am alive, and GOD lives in me and will carry me through anything that the world can toss at me.

Celebrating
Hugs
Amy

Mr and Mrs Peacock

You know I always used to feel sorry for the peahen. So somber in her coloring, browns, whites, a bit of black, she does have a touch of green around her neck. But she really is quite a sweet little thing.

But honestly she does not have to be a show off. She can sit gracefully watching and waiting, not having apply makeup, have expensive haircuts or designer clothes, LOL, and it is the male who must catch her eye.

With all his bright flashy colors he is quite gorgeous, all those blues and greens. Did you know they shed them? This fella a number of months back had no tail feathers at all. I wonder if he felt naked, exposed or ugly, kinda like we women can tend to do if we must go with out doing our hair or our makeup.

All in all its probably better to be the peahen instead of the peacock. She looks the same one day to the next with her lovely browns and her little crown on her head, that's what those little feathers up there remind me of. Plus she can hid in the brush better. While he has to occasionally become quite plain and with no tail feathers to show off, I wonder if he gets confused. But then I do remind myself, they probably just take it all in stride not wondering about any of it. Why, cause they are exactly what God made them to be and not too darn worried about being something else. I doubt she looks at him enviously and wishes for long green tail feathers. They are most likely happy in their little peacock world. Unlike so many of us who yearn for prettier hair, or better skin, or smaller thighs or larger bust. LOL.... Peacocks are just content, just the way God made them....

My insightful thoughts for today, LOL
Hugs
Amy

My love affair with sunsets....

I adore sunsets. I love the gold ones. The purple and orange and pink ones. I take nearly as many photos of sunsets as I do of chickens and of my children making goofy faces, LOL.
I love the uniqueness of each and every one. The way the light shines through trees.
They are like witnessing a miracle every day. I draw and would love to learn to paint, but I know I could never create such gloriousness as I witness all the time.
God has created so many wonderful things for us to enjoy. That even when I am hurrying home from somewhere if I see a beautiful sunset, I will stop take pictures enjoy it for a few minutes.
I just cant seem to help myself. They seem to be for me a moment to think wow look what God can do. It is such a show of Gods glory and the miraculous, some people may not see it that way, but seriously could you create something that happens every day and make it different and glorious unto its self every day. I don't think I could in fact I know I can't. I drew pictures on the white boards at my previous job, as the seasons changed, and while the residents and the staff at the nursing home enjoyed my pictures, there is no possible way I could have come up with a new totally original design each and every day. God you are just so amazing, to take something that could be mundane in the way that it is an everyday thing and make it special and unique and beautiful.

Be Blessed today and enjoy your sunset.
Hugs
Amy

Winter 2011 has struck...

Winter has finally struck here in our area of Kansas. I had kinda hoped that we might miss it.
This is my Joeybug he was not too thrilled. He wanted to be out and play in it, but not excited about the cold and wet. I think he gets that from mom...
My Elijah... he was enjoying it quite a bit came inside and warmed up for a couple of minutes and then was ready to go again.
Elijah and Chloe, a friend, were in the process of building a castle...
Tossing a snowball...
Filling up the trash can, a clean unused one, again to build another part of the castle. They were ambitious.
I wonder if his little squirrely feet are cold...
I love squirrels as you can probably tell.
Look at his fluffy little self.
Wonder if he found what he was digging for out there....
Obviously no train has been by here today...
Pretty evergreen coated in snow... I love the look of snow on the trees and the landscape. I just don't like having to drive, walk, or work in the snow.
Frozen circle pond. My kiddos thought the water was all gone, but nope it's just frozen and the snow is sitting on top.
I always feel so bad for the ducks, swans and geese this time of the year... I mean their toes have got to be cold right???
Snowy bridge over the frozen pond......Yeah I am sure everyone could have guessed that one. ROFL
A look at the bridge from across the street.

The snow always makes everything so nice and clean looking. Well at least until it all starts to melt and gets dirty... But it covers up all the gunk and brown grass and any trash lying around and makes it look beautiful and perfect. Kinda like Jesus covering our sins... He died for us and that sacrifice covered over all of our junk to make us spotless before God... Not a big revelation I know, but I can see it.. And appreciate the snow... So cool...

Chickens

Okay anyone besides me have a big fascination with chickens? ROFL...... I have recently discovered that I have this fascination... I mean I have always known that I liked chickens..

They are kinda soothing to watch as they wander around quietly looking for things to eat. They are cute and feathery.

They make sweet little clucking sounds. They lay eggs, and well heck even taste good.

They come in so many colors and varieties and sizes... It just amazes me sometimes what God has made.

Chickens are relatively secure in their place in the world I think sometimes, I mean not that they can't be scared but these particular chickens hang out with a pair of gorgeous peacocks.... Shame we can't all be as secure in who we are, ROFL...

And chickens such as this hen are good mothers. This momma has to chicks if you pay close attention. This picture was taken a couple of days ago. She is doing a fantastic job of keeping them safe and warm especially as these chickens roam free on the property. They have no locked up chicken house. What a good momma...

What got me thinking that I really have a big fascination with them is the fact that over the last 8 months I have taken hundreds of pictures of chickens.... Now to be fair if there were herds of horses in the places I hang out I would be taking pictures of them as well... But my subjects have been chickens.

Hope

You know we all struggle from time to time and mostly we can say tomorrow will be better. One day at a time and I can make it. I have been a glass is half full kind of gal most of my life, although I will admit that the last 18 months or so, I have sometimes sounded more like a glass is really empty sort of person. I stopped posting very often, because I did not like how I sounded and that I could not seem to manage to find things to be positive about.

I have often wondered how people can get to a point of just giving up. A couple of years ago, a man I knew to be, at least in my dealings, a kind, generous, smiling man. One who always stopped to say hello if he saw me. One who worked on my truck after I bought it without expecting anything, one who gave me the cattle guard for the front for free 2 weeks later. He had even had a higher offer for it, but had already given his word and a hand shake. That kind of man, who when facing a divorce and loss of his family, did the unthinkable... I was so filled with sorrow, that perhaps he had never known our heavenly Father... Is this why he lost all hope?

And then there are those who's lives keep going wrong, they lose their jobs, their homes, their spouses leave, a child may die, nothing goes right and they too may reach that end of the rope.. I had always figured well they must not have had a church family and a relationship with God. Not that I was pointing a finger mind you and saying SHAME on you... I just could never quite fathom I guess how one can get so low as to lose all their hope.

However, within the past 18 months of my life, my darling Grandmother passed away without any warning really. I lost my husband of 18 years, I lost my time with my children having to enroll them in school and no longer home school and for them being gone to spend time with the NEW family. I lost my home and have been for all intents and purposes, been homeless since April of 2010. In September I was put on leave from my job that I loved and enjoyed, because I could not do the job to the "WRITTEN DESCRIPTION". Although I had never needed to do anything the "WRITTEN DESCRIPTION" said. I eventually had to give a letter of resignation to my work as I could not be cleared by a doctor with my back issues to do said "WRITTEN DESCRIPTION".

I had to move my children out of a town and schools they loved where the teachers were amazing and the principles, awesome Godly men..... People spread lies about me far and wide. I then had to move some of my children in with their dad and his new family, which is so NOT what I wanted, as I still have no home. I am living in a friends basement. And she is moving out at the end of the month. I will shortly have no home........ I still have not found a job that I can do......

I am here to say I now understand how someone can, through no fault of their own end up homeless, helpless and HOPEless...... I have touched upon that awful sense of HOPElessness, and I do have a fantastic amazing church family. I do have a relationship with my Heavenly Father.... And so now my heart breaks that much more for those who have fallen into despair, defeat, doom, and HOPElessness.

Job 30:25-27 25 Have I not wept for those in trouble? Has not my soul grieved for the poor? 26 Yet when I hoped for good, evil came; when I looked for light, then came darkness. 27 The churning inside me never stops; days of suffering confront me.

You know the funny yet not so funny thing about the above verse is, that for awhile when I was struggling, I was trying to keep laughing and I said to someone just call me Amy-Job..... I felt so beat down. Sometimes you need to read more of what you need to be reminded of instead of just where you should be from your devotionals for such and such date.. During some of this my devotionals were in Revelations. And I know it is NOT all doom and gloom for everyone, I am saved, but sometimes reading it was just so hard and way to heavy. So Psalms it is...

Psalm 43 1 Vindicate me, my God, and plead my cause against an unfaithful nation. Rescue me from those who are deceitful and wicked. 2 You are God my stronghold. Why have you rejected me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy? 3 Send me your light and your faithful care, let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell. 4 Then I will go to the altar of God, to God, my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God. 5 Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

As well as

Psalm 12 1 Help, LORD, for no one is faithful anymore; those who are loyal have vanished from the human race. 2 Everyone lies to their neighbor; they flatter with their lips but harbor deception in their hearts. 3 May the LORD silence all flattering lips and every boastful tongue— those who say, “By our tongues we will prevail; our own lips will defend us—who is lord over us?” 5 “Because the poor are plundered and the needy groan, I will now arise,” says the LORD. “I will protect them from those who malign them.” 6 And the words of the LORD are flawless, like silver purified in a crucible, like gold refined seven times. 7 You, LORD, will keep the needy safe and will protect us forever from the wicked, 8 who freely strut about when what is vile is honored by the human race.

Now, nothing in here says that my life is going to be grand and easy. But it does say the Lord will protect us, vindicate us. I have witnessed a number of times things in the last year where the situation has turned around someone who had help spread lies, apologized and we smoothed things over. Eventually God rights the wrongs, we just can't lose site of what is MOST important our relationship with our Heavenly Father. Yes, all these things have been huge blows. I will proclaim that loudly. I have hurt, cried, wanted to just not be. But every time, I got off of my face and knees, I looked back toward HIM

Now, I am still facing having no where to be in less than a month. Nothing has changed about my situation, except that again today, I put my eyes on HIM on my Heavenly Father, the one who offers HOPE, who I knows wants the best for me, HIS child, HIS princess and for my children. Why wouldn't HE, what FATHER doesn't want the best for HIS child. But like every parent knows sometimes children have to go through things to grow, to become strong, to be able to be the best they can be. If we never let them fall the could hardly learn to walk much less run...

Be Blessed and remember don't lose hope... We must weather storms to grow strong roots so that we can stand.... The sunny days will come just keep looking up toward our FATHER. He's there just waiting for us to take HIS hand, that's what good daddies do..

Happy Thanksgiving

Today I am hoping that everyone has a very blessed Thanksgiving. I hope we can all reflect today on all of our blessing and about how much we have to be thankful for. While I have struggled alot this last year, I have SOOOO much to be thankful for. I am thankful first and foremost for Gods mercy and grace and the fact that He love me so much He sent His son to die for me, I am thankful for my family and friends, for my 6 wonderful children, that God has kept them healthy!! I am thankful that while we do not yet have our own home we do have somewhere to stay. We have food to eat, the truck is running, and a place to lay our heads. Compared to many in other countries I am rich.... Lord please help me remember to be thankful more often.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!

I don't understand

We have been living at what is called Main Street Ministries for what 5 months now. On the 4Th of September they called me down to the office to have a meeting... Well this meeting was to tell me how I am just not doing enough and me being homeless is not enough of a reason to have a home there. Well this is why I moved in. They asked that I go to something called Celebrate Recovery, which I did every time I did not have to work Sunday evening. Besides being homeless, I had nothing else to share.

This I suppose is what ended up being the problem as I had no drug, alcohol, relationship, or other type of problem to share therefore I just was not putting enough into it. I was also told that I am just too self sufficient, WOW when did that become a problem. I managed my money, paid my bills, feed my kids, clothed my kids, saved money to fix car problems. I thought that do these sort of things was a good thing.

I guess what I should have done is went down to the food bank at every opportunity, went to clothing closet every week, begged for rides in their vehicles somewhere and not managed at all oh and made up and lied about big problem that I DON'T have so that they could perhaps then FIX me. The people running it have nit picked and completely made up lies about me in order to justify their actions I suppose.

1. I did not switch around my work hours to avoid the lesson not at Celebrate Recovery I would have had to ask for a change or work hours the month prior to them asking me to even go and that was before I knew I had to go or what it was about. 2. Ummm if allow the lesson book to close while watching the video at the bible study that does not mean I am not paying attention, I just will keep reading if a book is open in front of me and thought I should pay attention to the video, silly me. and number 3. being homeless with 6 kids is a BIG problem, how can someone think that is NOT enough of a problem.

WOW perhaps I am just too sensitive. But then what really gets to me is that they run around to other people in the building talking about me. I guess they told the new girl who just moved in not to listen to anything I say cause I just think they are wrong in making me move out. Frankly, I did not say anything and had no intention of saying anything, until the cult like behaviour and strong suggestions of have no outside life and all the control issues made her start questioning what the heck was going on.

The one that offended me the most had nothing to do with me but telling women who entered their program who are married should not ummmmmm sleep with their own husbands. That it was empowering to live as a single person, and to just focus on themselves and their lives within the building. Also that they want them to get totally away from their past lives and just focus on the activites and stuff with in the building. Hmmmm this one seemed a little bit off to me, but I remember I am just mad cause they are making me move so my point of view could be flawed.

Also it would have been so nice if they could have mentioned this before I spent money enrolling children in school, and paying for P.E. uniforms, yearbooks, driver education, etc.. Now the other big fun thing in my life is I am off work with no pay so have no way to even pay to get into a house. And it does not look like I can get into the doctor until Oct 15Th to find out if I can do the job to its description or if I will be no longer working at my job. So the soonest I may have any paycheck is the beginning of Nov. But hey I will just move right out right now...

So anyway prayers would be fantastic for me, my 6 kids, as well as the other women in the building who have no where else to be and who are being threatened with homelessness if they should have a light on after 11 pm or heaven forbid become any sort of self sufficient.

Amy

My Grandmother

Memorial service slide show

My Grandmother Shirley Ann Bergquist Scherf passed away May 29, 2010. I had tried to get out to California before she passed away I had even moved my flight back a week, but due to airline problems and other things, I did not make it until about 10 minutes after she had passed. This nearly ripped my heart out.

I got to the hospital. I brushed her hair and smoothed it. My grandma had always used to let me brush her hair when I was little. I sat with her and cried. That's putting mildly I wept, I ached, I really felt my hear break, I needed her back. I felt unable to leave her room. My mom and I stood there holding her hands and weeping. After making sure she was tucked in her blanket, she did not like to be cold, and smoothing her hair one last time, we left the room. Leaving that hospital felt like I was abandoning my grandmother.

We stayed at her home while we were in California. It was so odd as I kept waiting for her to be there. I went out and sat in her beautiful yard. She loved her yard. I am so glad that my grandmother got spring. She so love her yard she had so many iris and she got to see them bloom. I am also glad she was able to stay in her own home until just 1 week before she passed away. She loved her home and worked so hard to get it to how she had it. She never let others just do the work she worked harder then anyone I know!

My grandmother was like a second mother to me. So many of my good memories from childhood are tied up in her. She wanted the best for all of her children and her grandchildren. She was the most giving person ever. I heard storied from people while they were there about how wonderful she was. I did not need to hear them I already KNEW, but I am glad that others new as well.

Grandma you are missed more then you could have ever imagined. I love you!

I will post her obituary here now. I will also post pictures of my trip to California in a another post. Also really quick as a note Amazing Grace the Chris Tomlin version was played and sung at the memorial service by my very talented cousin Tim Waldvogel.

Shirley Ann Scherf May 25, 1936 – May 29, 2010 POSTED June 2, 2010 2:48 a.m. Shirley Ann Scherf was born May 25, 1936 in Isle, Minnesota to Forrest and Ellen Bergquist. Shirley was employed for over 25 years at San Joaquin County Social Services, she attended St. Paul’s Methodist Church in Manteca, Ca, and she was involved with the Manteca’s Red Hat Society, volunteered for the Nearly New Shop. She was a member of the St. Paul’s Methodist Wranglers, a Den mother for Cub Scout Pack 432, and PTA and sang in the Stockton choral and was involved with various community services over the last fifty one years. Shirley is preceded in death by her parents Forrest and Ellen Bergquist and her niece LuAnn Sawatsky, she is survived by her daughters, Gail Mathes of Sterling, Ks, Julie Moorman of Hutchinson, KS, son, Brian Waldvogel of Manteca, Ca, and brother, Forrest Bergquist of Isle Minnesota. She is survived by nine grandchildren, Amy, Windi, Jennifer, Christopher, David, Mark-John, all of Kansas and James, Brandi, Tim and Codi in Manteca, Ca, thirteen great-grandchildren, Madison, Gabriella, Lilyan, Nathan, Jonathon, David, Katelynn, Andrew, Elijah, Joseph, Malea, Jadeyn, and Shayla, she is survived by her niece Jill Bergquist and nephew Gordon Bergquist. A memorial service will be held on Wednesday, June 2, 2010 at 11 a.m. at the St. Paul’s Methodist Church 910 E. North St., Manteca, Ca. Contributions may be made to St. Paul’s Methodist Church in Manteca in her memory. Arrangements are by the Neptune Society of Northern Ca-Stockton Branch. Manteca (Calif.) Bulletin Wednesday, June 2, 2010

My Grandmothers home and memorial

My soon to be cousin Sadie made this for my grandmothers memorial.
My cousin Tim singing Amazing Grace at the memorial.
My grandmas yard
more of her yard
in the backyard
my Grandmothers home
One of her Iris
front porch sitting

her family room

Updates

okay I have not been so good about posting, LOL....I am sure people noticed.... My kids are with their dad this weekend...So I am thinking I will have time to sit down and work through my thoughts and experiences and post.. I hope everyone has a fantastic day.
Hugs
Amy

We have new puppies

We have new schnauzer puppies that will be available in a few weeks.. Please visit my Amore Schnauzer pages for more information..The link is on the right upper side of this page.

Faith in God

When all of this started awhile back I was afraid and scared and worried about making mistakes that would scar my children. The Lord as always has been faithful in all things and his timing is immpeccable. Over three weeks ago I recieved a notice of eviction from Fannie Mae.

The short version of a long story is this 2 years ago my husband Tony and I were offered a house to even buy by some one in our church. It was in Hillsboro we had never lived here and knew no one but it had space enough for our 6 children and a fenced back yard. I grew to really enjoy this community. The people were friendly, the schools had and continue to do awesome work with my disabled son, and life seemed good.

Within the year things started turning. We found out that the woman we thought we could trust was not making the house payments and was just pocketing our 740.00 a month... The house was being foreclosed on. Then February of last year my husband of over 17 years left for someone who knew previously. Now I do not claim we had a bed of roses life...yes we had lots of struggles, but after 17 years and with 6 children ages 17 to 5 at the time, I did not see it coming. There were lies thrown out there that we agreed to do this before and then it was worse friends of his started spreading rumours to evne my church that I had cheated repeatedly on my husband.

That hurt badly, but through all that I have grown in my trust in God to take care of all my needs to be a husband to the widow and a father to the fatherless... that is how I saw my little family now.

And then back to the notice... We had been offered the chance to rent the house by Fannie Mae and then when they realized they already had lost money on this house and would have to repair things they evicted us. We were given 5 days to move out. My lawyers called them and they gave us 7 which is still not much time for a single mom of 6 who still has to keep working to try and take care of her children to move. We did not sleep the whole weekend, we moved things across the street into 3 storage units. Monday morning we had nmost stuff out of the house except my dining room table and few decorative items that I forgot and my microwave and then a few of our things in the backyard, my childrens sandbox, a fire pit, a couple of decorative items outside... When the realtor from McPherson showed up.

She refused to give me more time and even more said that in 45 min anything in the YARD even belonged to the bank. It was not enough that it was in the drive way and in the process being moved across the street. She wanted it sitting in the gutter. My neighbors let us just push the appliances into their yard and the rest we drug to the gutter. I now no longer own any of the things mentioned above. She insinuated that I had long enough like I had been warned and warned....excuse me 7 days is long enough?? And that this had to end.

So then as we are starting to drag stuff out of the gutter and into the storage units, one of the sheriffs deputies in all of his wisdom pulled me aside and insinuated that I should get rid of my dogs and then I might be able to put my kids first and afford to take care of my children. And that I was easlily spending 400 a month on pets.... UMMMM no never happend, I have small dogs, do my own grooming, and my vet gives me breaks on everything. Not to mention that my registered dogs and their litters of puppies ummm pretty much have paid for themselves.

I chose to say nothing as I figured that the amount of anger I had at that moment might not come out well and seeing their mother arrested after pouring out her outrage would not help my kids at that moment. And frankly none of this was about me not having money. That was never the problem. My neighbor bless his heart started in on how it is not my fault and the one who should be in trouble is the woman who did this to me by pocketing my money, the other deputy who had delt with her before on other stuff did agree.

Anyway so for nearly the past 3 weeks my children and I have been homeless. The first two nights the Hillsboro ministarial group put us up in a hotel, which was fabulous. You never know how good a bed feels until you have not slept for 3 days and also no longer have a bed. LOL!! Then we camped for a couple of nights the weather was good. The kids were with their dad for the next 4 and I just picked them up for school. Then we stayed with a friend and then they were with their dad and then their dad again and then a hotel etc and so forth.

Every night God has provided a place for my children that is safe and comfortable. They are still in their schools and clean and fed. People in Hillsboro, have searched and helped us. Many have offered us places to stay over night. Buisnesses have given me breaks and discounts. I have been blessed by Hillsboros generousity.

I prefer to have a plan not a down to the minute sort, but at least know we have a roof over our heads. In the last 2+ weeks I had cried, I have been exhausted, I have been angry, I have been worried.... And then I realized something...God has not left us. Each night we had a place to be. I am able to make it to work. The kids are okay. We spent some nice days at the lake, mornings watching the fish jump and splash, sitting by the lake in the sun with my hair drying in the breeze. All of these silver linings.

And this morning I was thinking okay God. I can do this. With strength through you this works. The kids child support pays for the hotel 1 time a week. They are with their dad a number of times, camping on some days and my pay checks cover all the gas and food. We are okay God. And then a couple of hours later I recieved a call letting me know that a 4 bedroom apartment might be avaiable until June 1st. I am heading out right now to see about it I will let you know how it goes.

GOD IS AWESOME
Amy

I had posted about a month ago that I hoped soon to be able to post more like I used to. Well, we can see how well that is working out for me, LOL!!! Let me start by saying again that I believe God has plans for me and my children, good ones. I know He wants the best for us. I am however at a point of struggling to hang onto that. In the last year, my husband of nearly 18 years found someone else he wanted to be with so he jumped ship leaving our family.

His family all turned on me and even befriended this woman and apparently everyone is happy now. He then left the state and moved to California where she lived, and in that I had to cut my hours at work because my children were falling apart. Although he and she have moved here, leaving her kids behind in California until school is out, he is living where he can not have the kids over. But we were hanging in here.. They had been doing better as I was here when they got home and able to give them more hugs and love before I left for work. It was working....

We moved into this house 2 years ago and thought we were finally able to be settled then the woman who we thought we could trust never made a single payment with the 740 a month we paid her to live here, to be able to buy the house and the house was repossessed. Then the divorce thing... Well in September Freddie Mac offered to rent me the house.... I agreed thinking my children would be better staying here. So we waited and waited. The heater went out.... We had no heat, I called apparently the voice mail for the realtor handling the house was not working and she never got my message. So we wait and wait....

Finally I call again and she says oh I will get someone there. Well they come they say they fixed it, but it is not working. They come look at it again and say needs replaced..... I am informed they have to get other bids and permission from Freddie Mac to fix anything else...blah blah blah....long story short..a number of months go by. The coldest months of winter. I have space heaters going and the oven running 24/7 and huge over 600 dollar electric bills to try and keep my kids warm...

You might say why not move, well as a single mom of 6 who does not have a high paying job and who's now ex is not consistent on his child support and who is told repeatedly by everyone she calls about houses OH you can not fit 6 kids in a 3 bedroom you have to have at least 4 or 5 and I don't have anything. And unfortunately all of those lower income house apartments and things again only 3 bedrooms and I am told they can not have this many people in there. Well that's why.

So we were blessed by a group from here in town including the middle school principle, and others from the schools, a local realtor, and farmers. The realtor, bought a wood stove, the middle school principle and his family installed it, a farmer and another gentleman donated enough wood for the winter and a whole group stayed and cut it to the right size and stacked it. So my children were warm.

Eventually, Freddie Mac got a heater put in. I was then informed I think in February that Freddie Mac would have to test the house for any lead paint as I have 2 kiddos under 8. And then that is the last I heard of it until 2 weeks ago, when I was sent papers saying I was evicted. I called the lawyers for Freddie Mac and asked what on earth. I was told I did not cooperate with the realtor or allow them to list or show the house. I said ummm no never happened. She says well I will check into it. I wait a couple of days and get no call back. So I called her again and she starts threatening me with them locking me out of the house in 3 days and I did not cooperate and I said no one has ever called me and even if they lost my phone numbers the very clearly have my address. Well, I am not going to believe you I am going to believe them, I was told.

So I call the sheriffs department and am told that they can find not information on it. So I take the papers in and the sheriff looks them over and say these are not real. Freddie Mac sent me papers that had not been filled to try to scare me out of the house. See they bought the house back for 90,000 at the sheriffs auction. The house is only worth about 59,900 and I figure once they found that out they decided to put not another penny they did not have to into it.

Okay so after all of that, Monday I get actually filed paper work. I will be homeless as of Monday. Just a little over a year ago I had a home, a husband, and happier children.

Now I am divorced, my kids have to hear I don't know alot, and their dad is living his happy little life, and even in desperation I can not send them there to live for a bit, as I mentioned he can not have the kids where he is living, not that I want either of them raising my children. I had to sit in a court room Monday and hear this man and his lawyer give excuses why he could not take care of his children. He does not have enough money, he can't have them where he lives, he is remarried ...blah blah blah..... So after this weekend I do not know where we are going. We have no home to go to.

I have often wondered about how people have ended up homeless and now I know. It seems easy to just say get a job and find a house. I HAVE a job and am looking at having no where to go. I worry about ending up in my car. And it becomes a downward spiral. How do I work with my kids having no where to be? So if it is warm, my oldest 3 could take the kids to the park, but everyday? I mean it is only a block from where I work and then what?? It can't go on forever. So we can move around and camp, but if I do not stay near my job then I end up with no job and then what? You have to have an address for things to get to you. SIGH

SO many concerns. I need to get busy. We are moving things into storage now. I trust that God has an answer. I guess sometimes my concern is that I know God wants the best for my kids and me, but does he not want the best for all of those others who end up homeless and in their cars? I watched the movie The Pursuit of Happiness when it came out and cried for that man and his son.... I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I could be looking at that for myself and my children.

Trusting in God
Be Blessed
Amy